MiL: I love you. Let's agree to disagree on the whole abortion issue. Me: HOW ABOUT I TELL YOU HOW I'M SCARED OF DYING BECAUSE I COME FROM A FAMILY OF HIGH RISK PREGNANCIES.
and if she says "oh, but in that case abortion would be allowed" that still leaves the concern of "and what if I die while the doctors and government debate whether it's medical necessary?"
I don't want to tell her because it's none of her business but my mom had an abortion before she had my brother and me. She knows people who had this done. She has no clue.
yeah, it's none of her business but it's definitely hard not to say "you know someone who needed to make that decision and I don't want you saying hurtful things to my mother."
Mom cut him off and went "Does your candidate support abortion?" "Well, it's complicated-" "No, it's not. It's a yes or no question. I'm a one-issue independent."
She was looking over at Sergio the other day and was like "How do you feel about abortion?" and Sergio was like "Uh, well, I'm a guy, so I don't think I have a stake in this race." And mom was like "good son."
Opened my phone. Read the line "If a baby is killing its mother, is it the baby's fault?? Why should the adult live and the baby died?" and closed phone again.
I'm very glad to know that my future mother in law sees me as a baby vessel and if it killed me, she'd be okay with that if it meant I didn't have access to safe abortions. Lemme tell you. It's an amazing feeling.
She keeps coming in with the "I love you"s and the "I care about you"s. But apparently not enough to let me go through a safe medical procedure to save my life. Damn. At least she's consistent.
I dunno, the maybe not wanting to let her in the delivery room in the event of kids issues seems better sooner rather than later. Like, exactly the sort of thing that should be discussed before tying the knot.
yeah, boundary setting plus talking to Sergio just in the context of... if he's your husband, he needs to be ready to back up your choices down the line
Like, I don't think either of us knew until today how much shit was going down. I know early in our relationship I was all "oh god he's freaking out at the sight of blood, how's it gonna be when we have kids." but the way he takes care of the cat while I'm eye-deep in master's degree and everything makes me feel so much better about his goofy dad skills.
Sergio's actually been very quiet on what he believes to his parents; his brother's the more outspoken and they got into some bizarre fight so I think he's used to being treated as the Favorite
also like … this isn't a difference of opinion, this is a matter of you having the right to make a choice about your ability to live. and if she can't see that, she has no right to engage with you on the topic, imo
Honestly there's a whole insane family history stemming back 30 years when two 18 year olds decided to get married against their parents' permission and then move in with them so good luck there.
Like, I weirdly feel bad for her at the same time that I'm upset with her. I know she was abused all through her childhood and it got worse when she hit adulthood and had to live with her very disapproving MIL. But I also don't want to really. talk to her anymore.
you could draw a hard line and say 'you are dismissing my right to live. i am not going to debate it with you. don't bring this topic up with me again' if you want
definitely talk to your therapist about it, but I think this is probably something Sergio needs to be clued in on sooner rather than later, ie: the extreme degree to which his mother has actually disrespected your life, not just your potential choice. Don't want it to ever come to an "I NEVER SAID THAT" point a few years down the line
She hugged me and promised me that if any bullshit happens she will be there to shut it down, and we agreed not to tell Sergio because all it would do would be to upset him, and I was already upset
yeah she was like "she is entitled to her opinion but her opinion is wrong and if your life was threatened I would drive you to Canada myself if that's what it took."
Waaaaaaaah I'm so sorry, your mum is really lovely, and like... I will never. I will never get people on the other side of the fence on this. I can understand people who are like: "I don't think I could personally have an abortion, but I can't make that call for other people,"
but I can't understand anyone who like... think that we don't deserve bodily autonomy It's a horrible horrible belief for her to hold, and I wish she hadn't said that to you.
So last night Mom actually talked to me a little bit about the abortion she had. She wasn't in her 20s like I originally thought; she was in her 30s and already married to my dad. It was just weird timing and they weren't ready for a kid yet. And a year later I was born.
So she was like "I don't regret it. I mean. It's like regretting a colonoscopy. Yes it sucks. It's a medical surgery, nobody's getting it done for fun. You could have been 32 instead of 31, that's basically how I see it.
I'm, what did she call it, a murderer of convenience. So's your dad. We're going to hell, you especially because I made you eat a piece of chocolate when you were upset on Yom Kippur. I'm so sorry she upset you with her ignorant-ass opinion. But the nice thing is that you can CHOOSE to ignore her."
Me: HOW ABOUT I TELL YOU HOW I'M SCARED OF DYING BECAUSE I COME FROM A FAMILY OF HIGH RISK PREGNANCIES.