[MH/it's bad/suicidal ideation] I'm back to being so stressed and miserable my chest hurts

It's just. Nothing is getting better. Nothing is gonna get better. Every day I am punched with more awful things I have absolutely no control over and we're expected to keep it cool

If it weren't for my stupid fucking deep inset Christian guilt complex I definitely wouldn't still be alive

I have no energy to do anything. I cannot accomplish anything. I cannot go anywhere.

The only things I managed to do was redo a load of dishes, put no effort into the little food I ate, made my bed, put some rocks in the lizard cages, called back interviewers, and that was it

I have managed... some small doodles

But I need to just. Shower and sleep

My body and mind are nightmarish and it suddenly cooling off hit me in the Depression like a truck

I don't even want to talk about it I'm just hollow except for the pool of misery at the bottom

I laid there for hours last night thinking about how badly I didn't want to wake up the next day