[ personal / mh ] congratulations it's brain weasels

or that's what i'm going with

since i USUALLY don't wake up and feel like an immense failure lol

they just keep giving me tickets at work i have clearly explained i have no experience with but that i am TRYING and yet waste days on

which brings my numbers down

which has been asked "why are your numbers down" and i told them so

which stresses me out about my job

and then i can't write tags because i'm stressed / have spent hours beyond 9-5 trying to do work

and then i feel like a massive let down because i'm a week behind on arrival tags AT LEAST

and now today my building has "tested" the alarm like 50 times in the last 20 minutes like what do you need to ring it this many times for

and i want to throw the laptop at the wall the agita is so much

and i'm like... i did 60+ tags over two days before I CAN DO THAT

SO WHY CAN'T I GET THROUGH LIKE 6 OR 7

IN A WEEK

fuck

my hands are shaking and this alarm thing is like torture and i don't know when they're going to be done so i can't even say oh lemme drive somewhere for awhile i have considered going and sitting in the mall but you know that is not ideal because IT'S A PANDEMIC

love this for me we're all supposed to be trapped here at home already so let's just torture people

wtf are they testing that it has to go off every 30 seconds oh my god

oh and the IC post is up and normally i'd be super happy but i also kinda want to sob

ffffffffffuck bud

i’m trying to be proactive about things and deal with my stress today but it’s hard

because that’s how i am and i get more stressed if i’m not trying to become less stressed

if i’m not kicking my own ass i’m just wasting time

but i scheduled a tension relief session where i go for massages