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i wonder if the few things i'm good at baking are worth money because i'm bitter and there's gonna be bitterness in here.
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because my dads stupid spending means my parents are going to get evicted on wednesday if they can't get $200 
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and bf says he'll help but I don't fucking feel right about that
ChickletLARP
............................ oi. :: gives tea::
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I just spent half an hour crying and being hugged so I'm doing better but I can't help but be angry because always ALWAYS something happens around my birthday
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so fuck it. Cancelling my birthday I bought myself from stuffed bunnies from the Black Label store to celebrate my stroke-aversary so I GET SOMETHING
I bought myself from stuffed bunnies from the Black Label store to celebrate my stroke-aversary so I GET SOMETHING
สัss
Oh man Iโm sorry. Your dad deserves to be evicted but I feel bad for your mom (and you)
StupidSexyVโ der
^ that
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Iโm so tired. I donโt blame mom, she does her best and gives up on anything for herself but my dad... how much do rifles and arโs cost lol
StupidSexyVโ der
a. lot.
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$500 to $2000
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He could sell one of his almost dozen guns and pay rent
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But no
StupidSexyVโ der
Yep
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No my bf caught me looking through the bes games I have left to sell
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NES*
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Because I am worth nothing and have no marketable skills to help my family
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Fuck, Iโm looking for a therapist if I get disability
StupidSexyVโ der
you should. your dad did a number on you
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Iโm realizing that 
236 bees
i know you want to help your mom and dad but after a certain point you can't take care of someone
236 bees
have you read the parable of the bridge?
Siv
I'm sorry. If you want to try selling cookies, maybe stick some fliers to people's doors? 
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Never heard of it 
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I might put something on Facebook
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The 4th is coming up and I was thinking of trying to make some homemade burger buns
236 bees
https://www.jenniferdegler.com/...
236 bees
i think you should read it
236 bees
it helped me and i think it might help you
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<3
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I wouldnโt be so upset if it werenโt right near my birthday
236 bees
it's not very long
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I donโt mind helping them
236 bees
yeah no that's understandable and it's valid
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We can do it but... I spent money on ME and I asked for one thing with like 8 months notice
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And now I feel bad for buying myself plushies and I donโt get shit for my birthday now
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But dad has a $600 smoker/grill and gets a new gun twice a year
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And I know it was $600+ because we found that EXACT ONE on Loweโs last week
Siv
Showing yourself love by buying something nice isn't a bad thing. Your dad needs to sell something (or wtf, return that god damn smoker/grill!!) and shape the fuck up if he wants to do the right thing.
สัss
^^^
236 bees
read that thing
236 bees
you're not responsible for holding him up because he chooses not to hold himself up
you're not responsible for holding him up because he chooses not to hold himself up
สัss
your dad doesnโt deserve a damn penny from you, and you definitely shouldnโt have to sell your stuff.
Siv
It's also more than valid to let someone know that you want X thing 8 months in advance and then feel upset because someone else fucked up and now you can't get the thing.
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Bf is determinatives to get it for me still, even if itโs late. He said โYouโre getting that tablet this year.โ
Siv
When your dad chose to make a family, he willingly took the obligation and duty to care for his family!
Siv
And that he's not holding up that vow is disgusting.
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Yeah but Iโm supposed to take care of him when he gets old (actual thing heโs said to me in the past)
Siv
It isn't even about the money. It's about the lack of care and consideration for those who live with him.
Siv
NOPE he's responsible for himself.
Siv
he can sure as hell expect outrageous things from you but you're under no obligation to do it.
Siv
As someone with a crap dad who pulled shit almost exactly like this?? I'm infuriated on your behalf.
Siv
(My dad's choice of priorities were booze and hookers)
Siv
(primarily booze)
สัss
I read the thing and I strongly second, read the thing
StupidSexyVโ der
yes read the thing
StupidSexyVโ der
and
StupidSexyVโ der
Trace this is IMPORTANT ok
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I was supposed to join the Air Force, I was supposed to be an artist, my passion for baking would never be worth anything, I look pretty with long hair (not prettier) blah blah blah
StupidSexyVโ der
1. He's still working. a physical job and have a good amount of income. He's not in the "old broken down parent" category
StupidSexyVโ der
2. EVEN IF HE WAS: CHILDREN ARE NOT A RETIREMENT POLICY
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I will definitely read it <3 bf and I are just playing minecraft to feel better. I have a merchant caged up next to my pool and lava trap
StupidSexyVโ der
he made plans for a child he wanted, that he could control
StupidSexyVโ der
he does not want and never wanted an actual child, who is a person unique to themselves with their own own thoughts dreams plans passions desires
สัss
Parenting is not a quid pro quo, you have NO obligation to โtake care of himโ, not when heโs old, not now, not ever
StupidSexyVโ der
he 100% put himself in this situation
236 bees
your 'obligation' gets passed forward if you so choose, not back
StupidSexyVโ der
yes he did the bare min. to raise you (while deeply damaging you. FOR THE LOVE OFF FUCK HE BLAMED YOU FOR A BIRTH DEFECT YOU WERE BORN WITH) which is what he legally had to do
StupidSexyVโ der
he doesn't get to demand "pay back" for that
236 bees
you can choose to take care of your parents when they are old, but what they are doing in raising you is giving you the opportunity to choose to raise kids, or cats, or whatever you choose, and pass that care onto caring for another living thing
236 bees
it's more of a pay it forward kind of thing, it's not transactonal
236 bees
if you want to take care of him then you're lovely and generous to do so
Siv
^^^^
236 bees
but that kicks in when he's no longer able to take care of himself
236 bees
PLEASE NOTE I DID NOT SAY WHEN HE DECIDES HE DOES NOT WANT TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF
236 bees
I SAID WHEN HE IS NO LONGER ABLE TO
236 bees
he is fully able to
236 bees
you have been pointing out all the many, many ways he could in this plurk, from straight up being less of an irresponsible garbage fire to selling some of his new, expensive thins
236 bees
his choice to not care does not make it your responsibility
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I love you guys
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Youโre right
Siv
I have maternal grandparents who are each well above 85 in years and they still choose to be as independent as their health and circumstances allows. and out of love, not obligation, my mom plans on helping them out when they no longer are able to care for themselves.
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I just need to hear it I guess <3
Siv
Definitely read that parable of the bridge. It's not long, and it would have shed so much light on my own circumstances.
Siv
That said, you deserve so much better than this, and I'm so sorry things have gone awry.
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i might delete this a little later because I feel very whiney and dumb now 
but thank you all, I really do love you <3
but thank you all, I really do love you <3
236 bees
it's not whiney or dumb
Siv
^^^
236 bees
honestly you've got an emotionally and verbally abusive father
236 bees
so do i, and it wrecks a lot in you
Siv
/nodnod
236 bees
dealing with the trauma from that doesn't make you a baby
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Siv
My dad isn't physically abusive, but he caused some physical abuse by being irresponsible mentally.
Siv
And you're very brave for talking about it every time you do.
236 bees
please, please go read the thing, it'll take 3 minutes
StupidSexyVโ der
you aren't whiney or dumb. He's abusive
Siv
^^^
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I just finished it
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and... yea
Siv
StupidSexyVโ der
yeah
236 bees
yeah
สัss
Youโre not at all whiny or dumb <3
ChickletLARP
As someone who has been in a very similar situation.... I understand the feelings of guilt, even when everyone else tells you not to.
ChickletLARP
I understand feeling obligated to give all we can because family. I get that.
ChickletLARP
I also understand the internal double standard. That if this were me, you'd be among the voices giving the same advice given to you, but when it is you it is so much harder to see that advice as correct.
ChickletLARP
The people here make a LOT of good points. And as this isn't me, I even agree with most of them. But I also know how I would take it if it was me.
ChickletLARP
So I am here to offer a sympathetic ear and a friend to virtually sit with you and listen to you if you need to talk things out for yourself.
ChickletLARP
Because where I finally found answers came from absorbing everyone's advice, internalizing, then having to lay it out myself in my own words.
ChickletLARP
And even then... resolve can waver. Situations with family are almost never simple. They are complex ever changing things and every change can make the whole issue feel like a new wound.
ChickletLARP
I am here if you need to talk through changes and updates as well.
ChickletLARP
Things you need to remember: You are loved. You have value. His not seeing what a creative and wonderful and giving person you are is on him, not on you. That is a failing in him, not a failing in you.
BECOME AS GODS
i just want to say, as someone who has been in the position of selling of their own shit to take caare of family who can't keep their own together...sometimes, as hard as it is, you have to let them face the consequences.
BECOME AS GODS
if he has guns he could sell to get hat money but refuses, that is his problem.
BECOME AS GODS
he has a solution. he has the same solution you do, the only difference is you're not the one who caused the problem int he first place.
BECOME AS GODS
it's not a nice stance to take. its not easy. it's your family and it feels like shit. but something has to give.
StupidSexyVโ der
yep. He caused this problem. He needs to fix it