[cw: pet health] Yo I just want to like, complain about my job for a minute.

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself because I know I have a really low tolerance for any sort of vaguely stressful situation right now

Because I've had a shitty couple of weeks

Between Red's surprise hives breakout and learning that my dog might have a life-threatening medical condition

On top of, you know, the whole pandemic thing

I KNOW I AM NOT EXACTLY AT MY BEST RN

And I mean, I'm very grateful that I even have a job right now

Because it could be much much much worse.

But for the last few days I have just been so... frustrated with... myself? My team? My job as a whole?

The biggest thing being that I'm just... I feel so behind with emails, tickets, inspections, I feel like I don't know what's going on half the time, I can't keep track of what projects are going on in what buildings...

And I get so so mad that it feels like when I finally catch up and like, start to feel like I'm finally on top of my shit, something happens that takes me out of work for a day or two and I'm suddenly back to square one.

I've got this side thing I'm working on that should have been so much fun, but I've fallen behind on it and I'm so mad that I don't have time to like... think about it and really deliver a good end product.

I just kind of have to turn it in half-done and leave it to my managers to fix it for me, or just... turn it in even later than it already is.

IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD, I hate looking incompetent but I'm really worried that's the way I've just been coming off for months.

And like, since no one's even in these buildings, I should be SO on top of everything because we don't have any customers here to mess up our buildings! We barely have any new tickets coming in!

My work should be EASIER THAN EVER right now and I'm still sitting on 350 unread emails and I haven't been able to check our ticket queue since last week.

It doesn't help that my boss did this super-obnoxious thing again this week... Like, I was taking a while to get through these boring signage audits and he texted me like, "Just wanted to ask what's holding you up? I was able to get through 340893 floors in 2 hours and I've noticed you're only on floor 5" like dude shut the fuck up

I know he means well but all I wanted to do was text back like "well my dog might be dying and I'm fucking depressed so I took a long lunch, get off my dick."

I hate his, "I don't have trouble with this, so they must just need to try harder" attitude.

Anyway, the adult thing here would be to reach out for help, but I'm embarrassed and don't feel supported by my immediate higher-up in this regard, so I'm probably not going to??

I don't know, I've also got a bunch of vague "what even is my job, what am I supposed to be doing here?" feelings right now that aren't helping.

Like I said, I'm not like, in a good place to be trying to tackle the complexities of my busy workload

I'm barely in a place where I can handle the thought of cooking dinner or doing my dishes

SO THIS IS NOT... THE THING I SHOULD SPEND A LOT OF TIME STRUGGLING WITH RIGHT NOW.

But I'm still frustrated about it.

you're allowed to be frustrated, and I hope it gets better soon

/punches yr boss

ongoing global trauma. nobody can be EXPECTED to be 100% rn

oof....

if you want to go over some things that might help you feel better about where you're at when you get home, I'm down for helping as much as I can

oh man, that is hard and frustrating and sucky. I'm really sorry. And I'm sorry your boss is being Mr Chipper about it all

(The mr chipper thing is aggravating enough without the global trauma and the localized crises!)

Aww thank you guys, I feel a little better having said stuff instead of just kind of internalizing everything lmao

I will continue to try and be nice to myself! ;w;

And yeah Red I may tap you for some thoughts or encouragement or something, even if it’s not tonight