weekly check-in, how are people doing?

It's been windy and wet. So walks have been short. I added another layer to my in-progress sewing tasks, but I've made progress on each layer so

/balance-scale-gesture

alternating between "okay I'm getting the hang of scheduling my telecommute to not burnout or worry about getting in trouble" feeling positive, and "everything is going to be massively different when this is over and I don't know how" feeling untethered and a bit nihilistic but in like a "seize the day" sort of way.

How are you doing TT?

The rest of the world has been forced into the hikikomori lifestyle right when I was trying to escape mine.

my sleep schedule's all over the place, and it hasn't really been an issue since i have nowhere to go, but, i think i should try to get that under control? make more of an effort on that, as a mental health thing?

Doing a work conference today, and maybe setting up Work Days and Work Hours will give me the structure i need

Ah hahahaha

This Is Not the Apocalypse You Were Looking For

I am... okay?

my extrovert tendencies got worse and then better?

being in the house for a week was not great, I got some socializing but I miss everyone.

going back to work was simultaneously the worst and the best.

because, like, I feel like I have gotten some socializing in but only with coworkers? and I still feel like an outsider mostly at work?

having all the video chats this weekend really helped.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

like my subconscious is in constant panic mode but my up-front conscious knows there's not much we can do about it?

also, I really... should get tested for ADD, one of the hyperactive disorders. my brain has been playing seventeen channels, all at top volume, while a constant humming noise buzzes along in the background

I'm gonna stop talking now, before I freak myself out even More.

That is a strong ADHD feel (they no longer have ADD, it's all ADHD now I guess?)

I identify with that. For me, it’s like a built up feeling of kinetic energy, even when I’m just sitting still, like I Need! To! Be! Doing! Something! but no idea what or why.

same, if i don't have enough to occupy my mind's constant motion, it feels like my brain starts chewing itself up, grinding up its own gears because it has nothing productive or interesting to process???

Unrelated, speaking up in work meetings is always a little nerve wracking, but Wow do I Hate It on video conference call work meetings?? EUGH, but i'm glad i did, and i learned things, and got to see all my coworkers

/pat

/patpat

I'm lucky in that I don't usually have to be on conference calls for work

most of my video calls have been with family and friends

I finally have a desk, rather than a card table in front of the guest bed, and that's been really helpful. I also did some webinars about Liberating Structures, which is this whole way of making meetings more interactive, and it's been great.

Having the stay-at-home extended through April was actually really helpful for me, because I feel like I can long term plan again.

lizard brain is constantly running and screaming, which is making my physical anxiety symptoms worse, much to the chagrin of me, who is pretty okay actually

Life as an essential employee continues fairly normally (but with better traffic, daily disinfecting, and the occasional opportunity for overtime). I am getting a little bump in pay thanks to being certified to enter infected units (which thankfully hasn't happened yet)

Whoof, I know that feel.