ಠ_ಠ
why do people insist you should stay alive? it'd be so much nicer to just not exist
garlic3246
It would not in fact be nicer. It would be literally nothing. Life can get nicer. Life can get worse. Death doesn't get anything.
chick9899
It's not nicer, it's not....well what Garlic said. Things can always get better as long as you're alive
ಠ_ಠ
empty, meaningless words. it only gets worse and harder. no matter how hard you work or fight, in the end some people are just disposable. so why prolong it?
garlic3246
Yeah you really aren’t disposable. I’m saying that as someone who has recently lost people in their life. Who lost a family member when that person felt like they were disposable. I have seen how it destroys people.
ಠ_ಠ
see that's the thing, everyone says that after the fact. when everything leading up to the point suggests otherwise, what are you to think? platitudes too little too late don't change reality.
ಠ_ಠ
who among you would care or notice if a stranger you've never reached out to vanished tomorrow? you'd not think a thing of it
ಠ_ಠ
so what's the point?
ಠ_ಠ
of course you didn't answer my first question: why insist? what purpose do you get out of forcing someone in misery to keep going?
garlic3246
You wouldn’t have put this up if you didn’t want people to insist. If you didn’t want someone to talk to.
chick9899
Look, no offense but it's not about trying to make anyone suffer more, it's about trying to give them something to hold onto. Life is a bitch in so many ways, and believe me I've been there. But there are always other options
chick9899
If you're spiraling this bad, maybe you should call for help or ask someone to take you somewhere you can talk to a professional
chick9899
Because when it comes down to it, we're not professionals. All we can offer is the off chance our words reach you and you find something to hold onto for another day because you do matter. There are people who do care about you and would miss you if you disappeared.
chick9899
This community is my social network, I am currently unemployed, living with family that i don't think would give a shit about me if i disappeared tomorrow, but I have friends who care, people I have never met in person who step in and help and listen when i need someone to talk to
chick9899
Who put themselves out there for me because they care. And that means more to me than anything else because i know there are people who love me for who I am
chick9899
I know things can look bleak and unending and trust me, i know, but there are always always options or people willing to reach out and listen if you need it
ಠ_ಠ
I have a professional. So far I still don't have an answer about why I should bother continuing to fight, only more examples of why I shouldn't. But I do appreciate your attempts.

I don't have a family. And friends disappear without a word on the regular. I'm very disposable and just looking for answer as to what the point of trying is.
prawn2288
when i get like this, i try and think about all the places i haven't been, all the food i haven't eaten yet, all the movies i'll never see and games i'll never play if i gave up now.
prawn2288
they're small and maybe insignificant things... but in the end it's fomo that keeps me alive
ಠ_ಠ
I will die alone and unmemorable. I am easily replaced by a better model. So why waste the space when I can get out of the way? I've already broken my own rules in wasting your time here even bothering to ask.
chick9899
Well I can tell you if we're friends and since I'm seeing this, I think we are, you can always reach out to me. I'm shihandai on plurk and/or Eli#5612 on discord. I'll listen and do what I can to be there
candy3099
About “being replaced”: there will be other friends in people’s lives, yes. There will not be another you
candy3099
Much less a “better model”
pie3788
Anon, it's not that you're "replaceable" or "easily forgotten" at all. If this is who I think it is, then I want you to know, I make sure you're still on my friends list every day. Whenever I lose a person on my friends list, you're one of the first ones I look for. I do consider you a friend. I appreciate what you've done for me, too. I'm sorry I can only
pie3788
say it behind the mask of anonymity, as I'm an anxious individual. But like... I value you. And I would "insist" you keep living, if only to see how good it can really get. Because I would want your happiness. And I know it's a dark place right now, but I'm sure you can find a way to climb back up. I know it takes a lot, from someone who's climbed up from
pie3788
hopelessness themselves. But I view you as a strong person.
ant3249
Anon, thinking of yourself like there's a "better model" of you if you move on is painful, and lonely, and it really drags you down. I used to think that way too and I've been banging my head against a rock for the last hour trying to come up with a reason to keep going that wasn't just my feelings going haywire
peanut9226
i hope you're all right, anon. :-( irt "forcing" someone in misery, it's not... really forcing. the most people can do is say that no, we do value you and that we'd be sad. i'm sad when life makes it hard to keep up with some of my older friends and we drift, regardless of how we try to reconnect & if it works. i'd be devestated if it were more than that,
peanut9226
friend irl or online. it doesn't matter.
ant3249
And what I can say is that if there is a "better version/model" of you then it'll only come to be when you become it, because that's the only way it's going to happen. No one else will be born a "better model" you because only you are you. I know this still sounds like an emotionally driven response, because it is, but it's what keeps me going
peanut9226
i have moments like this where i feel like a useless bag of meat and that everyone would be better off without me. i can usually reset my brain into not quite that just by reasoning that no, i have friends that would be sad and letting them down (to me, not a broad sense; i hate feeling like i've let people down) would be worse.
ant3249
And I hope and wish you find yours
peanut9226
anyway, still not "forcing". after all, it's still ultimately a decision you make. the most we can do is say "i hope you don't, because i want to rp with you/talk with you/make dumb jokes over memes with you" because we value that time with you.
ಠ_ಠ
your words are kind. probably too kind for a waste like me but I do appreciate it
peanut9226
we can be a waste together then :] but at least we'll be in shiny gold trash bags together \o/
deer1917
definitely echoing the person that suggested a professional for this level of spiraling. the subject is way too sensitive to pose to people that don't have professional experience in how to navigate it.
載入新的回覆