p/no7evc

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:14 PM

[MH] My depression manifests itself in some very subtle ways.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:14 PM

I don't get 'low' as such. I rarely get the feeling of being upset or emotionless.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:15 PM

But I'll stop cooking because it feels like too much effort.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:15 PM

I'll stop taking care of myself properly because it feels like too much effort.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:15 PM

I'll talk myself out of things I usually enjoy, because it's too much effort.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:15 PM

My store of motivation narrows down to surviving, and only surviving, and it happens so fast.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:16 PM

And I know it's related to work because I'm so much more content when I'm on leave.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:16 PM

I crash back down within a day of going back to work.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:17 PM

And I don't know how to... stop it?

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:17 PM

I don't think it's even my job in particular. It's the grind of employment in general and the fact there's never going to be a job I'd enjoy having more than I'd enjoy not having to work.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:18 PM

Getting up early burns me out so fast.

sᴏғᴛ ɢɪʀʟɪᴇ🌵

@hardtoport

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:23 PM

I guess not caring about anything is a kind of emotionlessness.

ƒιιɴᴅιsʜ

@hardtostarboard

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 8:25 PM

mleh

𝔂𝓾𝓶𝓲

@Yzaksama

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:13 PM

I stop cleaning bc it's too much effort. My mum mistakes it for being lazy. Her judging me kinda sorta works as a motivator. I most often only do clean when she comes over tho.

ƒιιɴᴅιsʜ

@hardtostarboard

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:14 PM

𝔂𝓾𝓶𝓲 : Yeah I stop cleaning too. Then I get upset because everything is a mess.

𝔂𝓾𝓶𝓲

@Yzaksama

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:14 PM

But I get the "motivation only works for what one absolutely must do" thing. Happens to me a lot too

ƒιιɴᴅιsʜ

@hardtostarboard

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:14 PM

The only thing I don't stop doing is looking after my plants. Because they need me.

𝔂𝓾𝓶𝓲

@Yzaksama

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:14 PM

I don't even get upset. I just ... don't really care and then I am shocked at myself for not caring

𝔂𝓾𝓶𝓲

@Yzaksama

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:15 PM

your plants are my budgies

𝔂𝓾𝓶𝓲

@Yzaksama

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:16 PM

I keep talking myself out of drawing sth. I am very successfully not drawing anything bc it would be too much of a hassle to set things up and start

ƒιιɴᴅιsʜ

@hardtostarboard

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:20 PM

same for me with writing

𝔂𝓾𝓶𝓲

@Yzaksama

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:24 PM

I actually went to choir practice today and kinda joined? I half-talked myself out of it before and really struggled to go. But I am so proud of myself for going. It was fun

Le Tits Now

@zaliachimera

Thu, Jan 30, 2020 9:40 PM

I get that. I actually like my job most of the time. And I still have times when it's just a horrible grind