[RL / Mute] lies in bed grumbling a bit about emotions

last night I had a very minor fight with one of my roomies because they were acting like me watching a movie was going to cause them to be late to work (???) because THEY might choose to stick around later than they should in the apartment

and I told them that they shouldn't be blaming an external thing for an internal issue. and they broke down into an anxiety and panic spiral, unsurprisingly, and couldn't talk about it anymore

and like. sighs. this is the proof in the pudding of what I told them before, which was that I can't ever seem to bring up any negative emotion around them or any disagreement without them falling apart in two seconds

we talked it over before and I mentioned it to them and they "understood" but wow this is like. a direct example of what I was talking about lol

I love them dearly but I am so, so tired of being the asshole when it comes to these things because my other roommates all flock to comforting this one and I am left feeling like I was in the wrong for not going along with everything in the first place

And now that roommate wants to have a talk with me about what happened and I am just. so, so tired. I literally got a migraine from crying so hard last night afterwards.

For the first time in a long while I think though, my other roomies actually reached out to me to make sure I was ok rather than just comforting the other one so. that was nice.

this plus the tension in this house over whether or not they (the one I had a fight with) will be fired from their job for taking too many sick days is just making me so glad to only be living here for like another month lol

they're the only one in this house who has a job at this point and finances are. very scary right now.

luckily I have a good savings built up but.... damn, I wanted to use that for moving and fun things, not just... all bills that my roomies can no longer afford their part of lol

One of the other roomies did apologize for putting shit on me emotionally that wasn't fair to do since those were their issues and that was nice to hear

I don't know. I just hate feeling like I am the bad person for upsetting people and for not immediately buckling when someone wants something done for their mental health and acting like it would be my fault if something bad happened because I refused to do it

anyway idk why I put this all here, I guess just to vent and like. look for support? if anyone is reading this and are able to and want to, please send some love my way. I am very tender right now lol

It's hard to look after yourself first, sometimes, but very important.

ƒιιɴᴅιsʜ : thank you hon ;; I appreciate it

I'm so sorry, Vanessa. Please take as much time as you need to rest and recuperate from all of this. .m.

That's really rough and I'm sorry you're dealing with it.

Hope things work out okay because you deserve nice things.

Thanks you guys. I am feeling a bit better overall especially since said roomie went to work today for the first time in awhile so it's like I have breathing room lol

hugs you so much bb, you know my thoughts on this LOL...

less than 30 days now tho!!!

less than 30 days!!! god I feel. so not ready LOL

This situation must be beyond frustrating. Glad you are getting out.