Beartlejuice
[rl | cw: Cancer/death]
Beartlejuice
Just got a call from the doctor at the hospital
Beartlejuice
things aren't looking good
Beartlejuice
my dad obviously can't go through chemo in the state he's in and he's not getting any better.
Beartlejuice
very very little appetite, he can't sit up under his own power, let alone stand or do anything
Beartlejuice
they're still working with him but the doctor is incredibly concerned
Beartlejuice
my dad's mind is there but his body is shot and, in the doctor's own words
Beartlejuice
at this rate we're talking he might make it a few weeks at best
Beartlejuice
I gotta go in tomorrow to talk to him and the doctor and start talking about 'end of life' care
Beartlejuice
I'm
Beartlejuice
I dunno how I feel
Beartlejuice
maybe it's the rapid decline in his body/health and because I saw this happening I'm not like
Beartlejuice
shocked?
Beartlejuice
I don't know
Beartlejuice
it's hit me, it's processing but I'm not breaking down I'm just sorta
Beartlejuice
here
Beartlejuice
tired, but here
OKKI 🦇
I'm so sorry Ant. Do what you need for yourself
トラファルガー・ロー
Oh Ant, I'm so sorry. If there is anything you need even if it's just to talk and vent to someone who went through this as well please let me know. I'll be here for you. Try and take care of yourself.
Beartlejuice
right now I gotta work on getting power of attorney
Beartlejuice
Hil and I still live in my father's house so I need to inherit the house so it doesn't get taken away
COOL GUY ZONE
ant... im so sorry
ᴡᴇʀᴇʙᴇʀɪᴄʜ
Do what you need to do for yourself, ant. I’m so sorry.
elle?????
fuck, this is awful
i'm so sorry
we're all in your corner man
Rizzaria 🔥
I’m so sorry to hear the news. We’re all here to help you and give you whatever support you need.
✶ 天才的なIDOL様!
jesus ant i'm so sorry, this is such awful news
✶ 天才的なIDOL様!
i'm glad you still have some time to spend with him and i hope it's more than enough time for you all to say everything you need to say to each other
hotel writing
I'm sorry Ant
Beartlejuice
it's okay guys
Beartlejuice
I feel like I've been preparing for this for a long time
Beartlejuice
it's kind of weird
Beartlejuice
Hilary's promotion kinda came at the right time
Beartlejuice
I had all of 2019 with him
Beartlejuice
I didn't have to work so I could be there if he needed me
Beartlejuice
and now, if he does go, I won't have to spend like years in this house thinking of him
Beartlejuice
we'll move and get a fresh start
Beartlejuice
I dunno maybe it sounds cruel. But seeing him as he is now is worse than it would be if he were gone
Beartlejuice
even though he's not in any pain, I know he hates just lying there
✶ 天才的なIDOL様!
it's the lack of closure and the waiting that fucks you up the most i think
Beartlejuice
yeah
✶ 天才的なIDOL様!
at least that's how it felt like with my dad, the being in limbo was the worst part
Beartlejuice
yeah that's exactly it
Beartlejuice
thank you for putting it in words because I couldn't figure it out
Beartlejuice
like, I want him to get better, obviously, but if he's not going to get better I'd rather it happen and just let me start grieving and moving on
✶ 天才的なIDOL様!
yeah, exactly
✶ 天才的なIDOL様!
you're like, frozen in place
Beartlejuice
part of me wonders if I kept him out of the hospital too long
Beartlejuice
like if I had gotten him in sooner he'd be getting better
Beartlejuice
but I know that's not realistic
✶ 天才的なIDOL様!
i haven't been able to be super Around just cos hospital plus dads talk is hard for me in general now lol but if you need a listening ear to blow some steam off with you can always PP me and i'll be around
ᴡᴇʀᴇʙᴇʀɪᴄʜ
It isn’t cruel. You want him to be free of suffering. It was that way with my foster dad too. The waiting and the decline, like said above it felt like a really painful limbo
✶ 天才的なIDOL様!
this part is the worst bit, and i'm really glad you have hilary to help you through it though
ᴡᴇʀᴇʙᴇʀɪᴄʜ
Yeah.
Beartlejuice
superorbital don't worry about it. I know that it's hard for you too. Honestly, just popping in and saying this much...I'm actually really thankful you're a part of my life
Beartlejuice
because you're still one of the most amazing, kindest people I've ever met and seeing you still be you after everything gives me hope I can make it through this, come what may
Beartlejuice
so thank you for just being a good example for me to follow
✶ 天才的なIDOL様!
ant i'm gonna cry!!
ghost lecturer
oh ant, I'm so sorry
ghost lecturer
but you have absolutely done everything you could. and it's very understandable for you to want this to be over for him
ghost lecturer
chemo at his stage is extremely rough, it's not cruel of you at all to want him to be spared that when his body is already doing so much to him
ghost lecturer
let me know any time if there's anything I can do
chreepy 👻
please try not to beat yourself up over "what if"s... I'm so sorry it's reached this point, but stressing over things you could have done differently will only make matters worse
𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫
like everyone else, im really sorry and we are here for you. if you need to someone to talk to, we are here. i lose someone last year due to illness so if you need someone to talk to, my DMs are open.
ωαℓєω∂єя 👑
Hey man I'm really sorry for how this is going, you did all you could for him and you're an amazing person and son. You're not cruel, like others have said, so please don't think that you are. Like others have offered, I'm here if you need to talk. Please take care of yourself.
載入新的回覆