[State of the CJ] Maybe I should get my ducks in a row because the last few months have been Rough

and just stop being vague and stuff

While I started the semester with and still have a lot more energy than I did before, I'm kinda painfully busy, especially this month.

I'm so jumpy and weird lately that anything remotely stimulating is giving me an underneath heart attack

exciting music video? compliment? heart pounding

Inwardly, things are Weird- not bad, just weird

Outwardly I can barely manage to emote

My tolerance for bullshit has shrunk exponentially, and that may be a permanent thing now

I'm sort of struggling with new ideas and prompts; Inktober is going fine, but executing things is getting kinda harder and harder

as is my confidence in my homework

I just need to work harder and pay more attention but my mind is wandering

nothing is going particularly badly just... flat

which is a weird space to be in when I'm so jumpy and anxious

I feel bad that I'm missing at least one weightlifting meeting a week because I'm so busy

It's frustrating that I'm forgetting things so easily

and it's kinda depressing how much they've ripped up campus for construction I won't be at this school to see the end of

The fall weather has PUNCHED me in the gut, I'm feeling so calm and yet so exceptionally un-calm

But on the bright side I have a better handle on how I react to things

The fact that all of the sudden this year I am apparently massively approachable and cool looking to a surprising amount of people and animals is so wildly confusing to me

Because in the past, sure. I met my friend Dan cause he just walked up and started talking to me on the first day of the semester last year because he liked my shirt

And yet here we are, and it's not a bad thing, but it's thrown me off

My whole mood, increasingly, for the past several weeks is "thrown off"

Not helped by my finally getting absolutely finished with Bria's know-it-all tone as of this past weekend, my buddy Ben admitting he made fun of me for being made uncomfortable by the family abuse aspect of The VVitch with other friends, and... more

Though I'm torn on the Bria thing between "Good, I stood up for myself and spoke my mind" and "Gee I hope I'm not turning into my dad"

I'm SO nervous about this weekend

And once again the school days discontent of "I wish I had time to play video games" and "I wish I had time to read" is back

But I know I'm taking Tuesday off

I got nervous because a professor raised his voice and it sounded like one of the shouting preachers my grandma used to listen to