cw: death, mental health. Man. The longer I’m awake the sadder I’m getting. I should put on a meditation and go to sleep before I get even darker in my head than I am already. And it’s pretty dark in here.

Bad thoughts.

Some anxiety but mostly not anxiety just

Soul crushing sadness

And alone-ness but not the good alone-ness.

Stupid urges and stuffs

:<

And like my ability to focus on rp is so narrow it’s not an adequate distraction at this point. But also trying to sleep makes me nervous Bc I’m just gonna be doing nothing and my brain is gonna be like

Yeah

I'm sorry you feel like this. If you ever need an ear, I'm hear for that

This whole death thing really shouldn’t have sent me into this bad a spiral. It’s been several years since I talked to her. But like lol I looked through her husbands Facebook a lot today too which is probably dumb and I kept thinking about sending a message but I just can’t open that door with him and idk

And maybe it’s just compounding onto a low grade sadness that’s been there in the background as like white noise that I just tune out because I can?

Because my anxiety is usually a far more difficult thing to manage without medication and I’ve just been depressed forever but my anxiety has gotten worse over the last few years and so like... white noise depression

But It’s definitely not just white noise in the background sadness anymore

<3

Depression and anxiety can be spiked by trauma. I've experienced this as well and it is not fun. I hope things get better for you.