ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
[mental health + brother cw talking about death] I..... and not doing to great.
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I'm angry with no where to put it.
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I keep thinking about my last memories of everyone else that's died.
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
part of the anger comes from when my father-in-law died. he was healthy, never abused his body but died of cancer.
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
now we have my brother with all these health problems and has abused his body rather than seeking help
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
he's been almost dead several times over the past 15 years
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
this... will likely be the last time
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
it's the unfairness that hurts
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I'm mad this was preventable
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
just everything hurts
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I keep seeing my father-in-law last days
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
and I keep thinking I don't want to see that kind of deterioration again and have it stuck forever
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I'm not going anywhere with this I'm just trying to get this mess of emotions out
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
then maybe I can understand it
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I'm just so tired of dealing with death in my family
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I'm afraid this'll be another cascade of death like 2014
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I know no one lives forever
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
but I'm tired of piles of grief
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
suffering that bothers me. death dragged on for years... instead of just having them be happy or content before the end
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
grandma's death hurt but she didn't suffer and was... content.
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I've sad here crying just trying to understand
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I'm never going to understand fully but just a little would be nice
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
crying does help even if I feel horrible during
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I'll probably bury myself in distractions soon... I'm just trying to get the emotions out as they come
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I don't want the crushing grief that sent me into a downward spiral in '12
ᴄᴀʟᴀᴍɪᴛʏ ᴊᴏ
I'm not doing that again