[RP] Some pre-appointment noodling about mental health, RP, and medication?

So like... one thing I've noticed since going on Seroquel is that my tagging speed has bottomed out pretty remarkably. But my enjoyment of tagging hasn't changed? But I went from tagging as many threads as possible at LEAST once a day to... like, once or twice a week, and boomeranging one or two threads of high personal or logistical importance.

And I think... it's because I'm not so fucking anxious/paranoid any more?

I think a LOT of my momentum and motivation was driven by stress, and now I'm like... happy to just exist. Which is great in theory but is that what I want?

And on the flip side: is that a problem?

Obviously some of this is like... a personal decision I gotta make, but. There's like, the potential implication that maybe I don't know how to motivate myself without external motivation, or rather, without the use of fear. Which is like........... I guess not surprising but also, not GREAT?

On the flip side, it's more of the "hey so NO WONDER antianxiety self-talk and therapy and meds weren't helping, you were experiencing psychosis-related paranoia the WHOLE TIME" which is sort of.... good to have as proof to myself I didn't make this whole thing up somehow.

skjdag raile

man I'm just glad you're ENJOYING THINGS and you got PROOF

TRUE that is a very good point