Honey you need to go. I'm sorry. You should never have to feel like this. As far as the cat goes, take every vet bill that you paid, every medical record that lists you as owner, every pet store food receipt you might still have.
i mean if you're asking us internet people this question, i'm gonna guess you've reached the point that you really do feel that the abuse is unbearable so that's your answer right there
its abuse, even if he's not always like this. i was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 5 years. there were tons of times he was awesome and i loved him so much, and he made me feel like dog shit and destroyed every friendship i had and all of my confidence. i was lucky that i didn't live with him in real life.
How long have you been together? How often does he snap? Is it getting worse over time? Is it threatening - are you afraid? Have you talked about this when things are calm?
He's threatening now. Next, he'll try lovebombing. Telling you how special you are, how much you do for him, how he couldn't bear to lose you. Please, please, don't let him fool you. He's said it all before, and he doesn't change.
Yeah. Threats like the kind he is making are a sign to get out. Maybe start looking into the logistics of it and make some plans. You don't have to get out overnight (unless you are in danger)
You deserve better than to walk on eggshells all the time, to keep from setting him off. He's ALWAYS going to go off, even if it doesn't have anything to do with you. But you will be the one he takes it out on.
"he just snaps" could easily result in him snapping and killing you. this is barb, like Miyani above, i also thought he could get help and that he was my best friend and that i couldn't leave him because my life would be over. it was rough, but i did it. please seek professional help.
Think about it... and I mean, really think. Has he ever "snapped" with a boss? Or a friend? Or is it just you? Is he saving all of it up, to take out on you?
If he can keep it in check when the "important" people are around, it's not an anger management issue. He is choosing when to let go and show his abusive self.
pita, exactly. It's "only" physical intimidation and verbal abuse now. And he's gotten away with it, he's comfortable in that space. It will get worse. And it can get worse very quickly.
Anon, please... we care about you, and want you to be ok. It's better to be alive and left with nothing, than it is to be dead at the hands of someone who was supposed to love you. And it won't come to that, because he doesn't have any more right to your shared property than you do. If your only account is a joint account, then take half, make a new account,
Live in your car for a bit, or call womens shelters, they have a ton of good resources for you to talk to, and can put you up (and are well trained in turning away abusive exes)
If you don't have money go get a job either from home or outside the home. Don't use a joint acct or one he has access to, and dont even use a previously used pin just something random
maybe if you re approach a safe friend who has been absent for awhile they can help you. make sure they don't like them. Also, prior I would make a second fb or social media accts and move your real friends over, and abandon the other. You never actually said if you are married. Hopefully you aren't. Remove your name from things.
Lots of things can be moved prior, maybe youre spring cleaning or marie kondo'ing your life when on the sly it's being packed up and stored at a friends.
I'm in the same position, it's not as easy as just leaving, but I agree with planning first and then getting out. Make sure you know exactly what you're going to do and don't tell anyone, and take your cat, of course.
The final straw for me was actually something very small, it doesn't have to be something huge, the only thing you have to know is make your way out of there. Even if it's slowly... in fact making sure you have a safety net is really important.
It'll be hard, and it'll be awful at first, but you can leave. It might feel hopeless, but I hope you know you can do it. It'll suck. It'll keep sucking for a long time. And then it'll start to suck less. And one day you'll meet someone else. And you'll see what relationships are SUPPOSED to be like. It will get better... just not with them.
I just told my mom that I’m scared of him and she said I need to try and understand him because we’re on the same team. I feel totally helpless when I hear this.
we don't live in an ideal world, there are nuances in relationships that you cannot judge as a third party. lots of people don't start out so obviously abusive
To all those rolling their eyes and say just leave, it’s not always that simple or easy. I do agree you need to get out. Start by moving small things he wouldn’t notice. And remember things can be replaced! You can just go and take only what is vital. I know it may seem overwhelming but this plurk shows you are not alone
Here's the thing about abuse. On a scale of 1 to 100, 1 is unacceptable. It always goes up. Abuse is not arguing or snark or pettiness. Abuse is undercutting your confidence and sense of self, isolating you, and/or physical harm.
Remember the only acceptable level of abuse is None.
Abuse is not arguing or snark or pettiness. Abuse is undercutting your confidence and sense of self, isolating you, and/or physical harm.
Remember the only acceptable level of abuse is None.