One thing I like about playing both Ruby and Nightfall is that they both have completely different reactions to the same people, even while being outwardly similar in reaction.
Like, with Cece. Ruby was all '... Is she okay?' and chill because like. Cece did not seem okay and she's seen enough teens overreact to things to know something was off somehow. (She did not, however, peg Cece as having seriously low self-esteem. Both because that would involve having more theory of mind than Ruby can synthesize on such a short meeting,
Meanwhile, Nightfall, while outwardly just as pleasant, if not moreso, as Ruby, was internally just like. Not sympathetic at all and reminding herself that being mean to someone might be cathartic but at the same time even if no one ever realised it was being mean it was still frowned upon. All because Cece struck her as a jerk, despite being kind enough
The reason why this is fun to me is they are technically alternates. They're much different characters, but they did come from a similar root: Female only child to a politically important man, raised in part by a strict teacher to have a perfection complex at an early age.
And the reason this one in particular got me feeling the need to ramble is because on the surface you'd think their reactions would be opposite. That the super hero would have some sympathy and awareness of another person's state, and that the former child soldier would be the one to just blow Cece off as your run of the mill jerk.
But the fact is that Ruby is in charge of other people, and has been forced to develop both a decent theory of mind and a bunch of interpersonal algorithms concerning whether people are and are not okay. (Because someone being upset over something seemingly trivial can impact their performance and you need them at their best to keep everyone alive).
Nightfall? She's not even technically second in command. She's often in charge of civilians, but it's hard to see them as real, individual people when she doesn't get to interact with them in any genuine format. Furthermore, civilians are often a hazard to her work! She has never been good at empathy, and her theory of mind is so-so at best.
I mean. She's a literal 12-year-old, and not a soul save Wishmaster has given her any reason to even try to form any theory of mind or empathy outside of 'people don't like it when they're hurt, and that hurt involves the loss of loved-ones'. Also, her position as a hero - being a public figure placed on a pedestal - is counter to empathy and TOM.
(Oh also, she's constantly in life and death situations, and thus cannot really form any real human relationships with anyone outside of her team. How do you even relate to people who don't know what it's like to look death in the eyes on a weekly basis?)
Another thing that informs their views on this: While they're both crushingly lonely, Ruby seeks to solve that and make friends, and knows that involves some level of openness. Nightfall? She has friends, and she's only lonely because they're not here.
Anyway, it's really fun for me to think about. And if I don't communicate the thoughts they'll continue to overrun my thought processes and keep me from tagging like I want to.
Also tangentially related: Ruby's perfection complex is, well, it's almost non-existent now. I say 'almost' because there are still things she beats herself up for for not getting right, for not doing correctly.
Most of the time though? Nah she ain't gonna dwell. Just learn from it and move on. (If she didn't just learn and move on, she'd have had a breakdown a long time ago, and probably be dead.)
(The best-case scenario to her having had a breakdown while in The Forge and still in the single-digit ages is her having to spend like, 80% or more of her time around Korei, which would have ended in a very different Ruby. And not in a good way. Current-Ruby would rather be dead than have become that sort of person.)
The beating herself up over not doing something right that doesn't actually matter is also sort of a coping mechanism for her. It's safe to beat herself up over a typo, or of getting a customer's order wrong. It's safe to have some self-loathing over being a late for the bus to work. Those things don't matter. The failure has nearly 0 impact.
She can't take the time to beat herself up over that one time she made a mistake and two of her friends died, and a third was never the same. If she did that she'd have to beat herself up for every other action that ended in lost lives. She'd never be able to make decisions again. That can't be allowed to happen.
It's safe to feel regret over it, and to consciously accept blame for it. But it's not safe to emotionally blame herself for it, because that could end in a lot of failure to act in the future, and like hell is she going to allow that to happen.
(It also stands that at this point in time, she's just so desensitised that she sort of can't actually feel that sense of self-loathing on an emotional level for what happened. It just takes more energy than she has.)
Ruby: Constantly running around making sure that her every waking moment is filled with something, because staying still makes her feel like her flesh is on fire. Also Ruby: So tired that she is genuinely unable to actually feel a lot of emotions, not because she's not capable of them but because feeling things takes energy she doesn't have.
Anger? Too exhausting. Best to only feel it when it matters and can be used as a driving factor. (This is probably the main reason why she was able to go 'yeah, I'd want me dead too, if I were in their shoes' about the general populace hating her. She couldn't get angry or scared, so she just went 'yeah, that scans' and moved on.)
Sadness? Well, she does feel it, she just can't usually recognise it for what it is. She just thinks it means she hasn't eaten enough, or that something in her mind is malfunctioning. (Ruby: Has depression, and is constantly affected by it. Also Ruby: Cannot consciously recognise sadness 90% of the time.)
Excitement? Oh she loves this one! But it takes a lot of energy. Not to be felt in the middle of serious things. (Ruby: If I let myself get excited, then I won't have energy to do these other 30 things I intend to do before bed in three hours. [snuffs out the excitement])
Anxiety? Actually she is high anxiety and just doesn't notice it. She is a very anxious and hyper-vigilant individual, but she just thinks that's normal and is always a little shocked when she learns that, no, not everyone is prepared to use any and all objects in the room to kill anyone who attacks them.
(This one is actually based on like, a whole bunch of people I know and myself. It seems like a lot of people who have high intelligence paired with PTSD just. Mentally take note of what and how the objects in the room can be used against someone if they're attacked.)
(It just amplifies more when the person in question is autistic, from what I can tell. Like. My non-autistic friends who have that? They can name a few obvious things and then seem to struggle a little. My autistic friends who have that? Well, get ready for a long rant because HELLO LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT HOW I COULD KILL YOU WITH A CHIP CLIP.)
((In case you couldn't tell from a lot of comments: Ruby would probably be diagnosable as autistic. I didn't put that in the app because she: 1. Isn't diagnosed. 2. I actually don't want it down in concrete on her profile because I am paranoid that someone will say I'm not doing representation right. (You know, representation of my own diagnosis.))
(((My kingdom for the ability to somehow psychically project into the minds of assholes that not every autistic person is the same even if we have a lot of overlaps and that we do not have identical experiences. Because talking it out clearly does not work.)))
((("Your character having artificial empathy and having to work to apply theory of mind is a bad representation of autism!!!" Bitch, I'm in a chat full of people with autism who: 1. Have no real empathy and have to cognitive empathy this shit every goddamn day. 2. Have to work hard on theory of mind. Fuck you.)))
(((Having to work for your empathy and theory of mind aren't bad things, they aren't a mark of an awful person. It's not a mark of being a broken person. It's just a different neurotype, and god damn I trust people who work on both a whole lot more than people who just assume their empathy and theory of mind are perfect by nature.)))
(((I'll get back on topic in a moment: I just want to groan a moment longer about allistic people who claim to be standing up for autistic people but actually are just shitting on us because we know our own experiences but the allistic people want to claim we're just writing stereotypes. I'M SORRY SHARON, I HAD TO WORK FOR MY THEORY OF MIND.)))
((((Empathy on the other hand, well that came sudden and hard and I've actually been like, way too empathic. To a point I would be more upset that someone got hurt than they were, and I had to teach myself to reign it back to a healthy level.))))
Ruby, suddenly having the energy to be excited and having a harder time snuffing excitement out: Oh god. Oh god. Something is wrong? I'm not acting within the emotional parameters I associate with my self identity. Oh god.
Also, her position as a hero - being a public figure placed on a pedestal - is counter to empathy and TOM.
While they're both crushingly lonely, Ruby seeks to solve that and make friends, and knows that involves some level of openness.
Nightfall? She has friends, and she's only lonely because they're not here.
Nah she ain't gonna dwell. Just learn from it and move on.
(If she didn't just learn and move on, she'd have had a breakdown a long time ago, and probably be dead.)
Also Ruby: So tired that she is genuinely unable to actually feel a lot of emotions, not because she's not capable of them but because feeling things takes energy she doesn't have.
(This is probably the main reason why she was able to go 'yeah, I'd want me dead too, if I were in their shoes' about the general populace hating her. She couldn't get angry or scared, so she just went 'yeah, that scans' and moved on.)
(Ruby: Has depression, and is constantly affected by it.
Also Ruby: Cannot consciously recognise sadness 90% of the time.)
(Ruby: If I let myself get excited, then I won't have energy to do these other 30 things I intend to do before bed in three hours. [snuffs out the excitement])
1. Isn't diagnosed.
2. I actually don't want it down in concrete on her profile because I am paranoid that someone will say I'm not doing representation right.
(You know, representation of my own diagnosis.))
Bitch, I'm in a chat full of people with autism who:
1. Have no real empathy and have to cognitive empathy this shit every goddamn day.
2. Have to work hard on theory of mind.
Fuck you.)))
I'M SORRY SHARON, I HAD TO WORK FOR MY THEORY OF MIND.)))