[gender psychology or something] So I was streaming some celeste the other day

and getting tilted, as one does

and Hannah pointed out that, apparently

I misgender myself when I'm on tilt?

I hadn't even noticed

but I was saying things like

" 'Oh this room is easy', he said before eating shit 12 times in a row"

I tend to misgender myself when talking about myself in the third-person as well

or at least, it's where I'm most likely to slip up

I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I say your self-loathing is very tied up with your assigned gender

that... yeah

especially for this specific kind of anger

being mad because I'm not instantly the best at something

that's internalized masculine self-loathing

I think there's also just the fact that that kind of thing is a figure of speech, which tend to be a little bit disconnected from their literal meaning in terms of how you're used to using them

they're where I tend to forget

yeah

I don't often talk about myself in the third person

honestly i still fuck this up and I haven't been "she" for five years so like

it's a hard one to get out of