quarter trauma
[work/vent/mute/doubleplurk deal]
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aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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OKAY SO. i think i've told it in bits and pieces here? if not i keep telling it on servers but let me collectively tell you the story of me and coworker J trying to work on this ebook
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which was supposed to be due today but. we'll get there.
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so! my boss assigns J to build out the content, and i'm assigned on design/layout. makes sense to me! on the day it's due, J checks off her "build out content" piece in asana. i ask her where it is so i can give it a once over and start thinking layout, she tells me but says she wants to set up a meeting to go over it. i'm like yeah, okay!
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she carves out three hours on my calendar and comes and sits behind me in my cubby. i am not aware at the time of accepting that it's 3 hours, because i didn't look. this is my fault, i admit.
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i pull up her document, which i haven't prior to this point because when i asked it was about 20 minutes prior to the eventual meeting and i had some other quick work i could check off in that time.
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it's... being generous, it's an outline. my boss referred to it as "chicken-scratch notes."
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i'm looking at it like ummm. this is not what "build out content" means
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and apparently, J is expecting to spend the next 3 hours dictating to me what she wants from over my shoulder while i put this thing together. she gets me working on this chart she has envisioned, and i get to work on it, but i'm like okay, listen
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i cannot have you just sitting behind me and hovering, that's super uncomfortable
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this chart looks like it's about the only thing you have complete, so give me a copy of your (handwritten) notes on that, i'll put it together. she goes "well i don't understand how you expected this to work," but gives me what i ask for and i assemble the chart.
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i pass that over to her and hear nothing for several days. my boss asks for a status update on it a couple of times, all i can say is i handed the chart to J, she says okay she'll talk to J.
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cut to this week.
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J is apparently miffed at me for... not creating a whole new ebook layout for her to type up content in??? i don't understand why she insists on writing her content IN indesign. but anyway, she opened up last year's version of this ebook (it's a collection of our yearly survey results) and writes the updated content in that. she says it's ready for me.
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it's... still incomplete, as far as i can tell, but it's definitely shaping up into something so i at least start putting a general page template together. by the time i'm done with that, she's updated the document... and it is now pretty WILDLY different from when i looked at it a couple of hours prior. like, several paragraphs worth of change per page.
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i go to talk to her, and i'm like hey, J. can you give me a timetable on when you think you're going to be, like... done with the content?
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she's like "why can't you just work with it? the stuff i'm writing now will probably only change things by a couple of centimeters."
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...on an 8.5x11" sheet, a couple centimeters is a lot.
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i try to explain that, she just gets huffy but says okay, fine, she'll let me know when it's closer to done.
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she lets me know the next day right before i walk out the door that it's ready for me. she says there are still a couple of incomplete areas, but they should be real obvious, and quickly looking over it, they are.
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i spend wednesday and thursday morning assembling all of her new content into the new template i've created, except the cover page because i figure i can put that together last once the book is done. i leave her plenty of room to finish up her incomplete thoughts, and hand it back.
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she comes back with a couple of changes, i say okay, i'll be happy to update that when you're done with the content
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i don't hear anything until this morning
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when she says that oh by the way she read an article that the best length for ebooks is 6 pages so she's going to try to reorganize the entire thing to fit into that
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because it's morning and i'm just so ??? i wind up saying yeah ok whatever go for it, which is admittedly my own fault
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cut to about 2:30 this afternoon
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any spacing and formatting i had is dead and gone, the thing looks like a bomb hit it, i'm not sure i'll be able to get any spacing back in because the thing is so cluttered
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and she's frustrated with me because i told her to go ahead with it (again, my fault, i accept) and she doesn't want to just go back to the way it was because there's a way to do it better and we both want to put out something good, right?
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well, yeah, of course i do...
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she goes off at me because i keep asking her to give me completed content so i can set up this ebook, and she "doesn't work that way," and i "won't try to meet her in the middle"
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and if we're going to work together, i have to try to meet her in the middle!!
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and this is the point where i just go back to my desk and email our boss (she works remotely) and say listen, here's what's been going on, i don't know what to do, am i being inflexible? am i being a bad teammate? what should i be doing here?
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and i hate reaching out to bosses for help with coworkers because haha trauma from hellc
ordιne ♞
mmm, I see her point of WE ARE A TEAM but also? She literally has done nothing but complicate the issue
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never mind that J constantly refuses to ask our boss questions because "we can't BOTHER her with that" and now that mindset is seeping into me too even though i know it's dumb
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becky answered me and asked if my WIP file on the drive was current, then said she'd look at it and set up a meeting with the three of us on monday
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aaaand that's all so far.
Snowdrops ﾐ☆
"I don't work that way" yeah but if you're meeting in the middle you're gonna need to work. on that.
Snowdrops ﾐ☆
man that sounds like hell, I hope your boss recognizes your efforts :c
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i. kind of doubt she will, tbh
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that might be my own salt creeping in, here, though
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for our performance reviews we had to do self-assessments, which i hate anyway, but i did give myself an above average rating for Teamwork
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because I swear to god I don't go 15 minutes without her calling me over to help with something.
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not just with this, but like. everything.
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it's to the point where i literally can't put in even one earbud and listen to something while i try to work because she calls me over at regular speaking volume from a cube's distance away and my hearing is not the greatest in the world and if i don't hear her the first time she gets frustrated with me
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i feel like i'm constantly holding her hand or babysitting her
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and i wrote all this in my self-assessment
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aaaand becky just gave me an average
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:|
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okay "all this" i didn't put in precisely how frustrated i was, just that i was very often helping her with her work and assisting her with problems
Snowdrops ﾐ☆
I know my previous workplace had actual office politics as to why you weren't allowed to get above average rating unless you were super high up the ladder, but naturally I don't know how your office works 
it's still definitely bullshit though, damn
it's still definitely bullshit though, damn
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yeah, we don't really have THAT but it's like you should really only have one or two things you give yourself above at
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i had two
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i DID get the above average on the other one.
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but also bc of that performance review, where she said she feels like i'm "holding back" creatively, i'm just like super nervous about this now
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because i feel like i'm not doing enough... i just don't know HOW to spruce up corporate bullshit???
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but. yeah. 
it really sucks and i just came home and cried today because i was so frustrated
it really sucks and i just came home and cried today because i was so frustrated
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also. the first time she said she was "done," when she handed over her notes... was the day MY part of it was due.
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she literally expected me to pull together an entire ebook in an afternoon.
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and when told that really was not going to happen, was confused when i couldn't just pull together an ebook - again, based on notes my BOSS called "chicken scratch" - within the next two days.
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so this deadline we just missed was our EXTENDED deadline.
ordιne ♞
gosh what a mess...
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and the kicker? once this is done, she and i have another ebook project we're assigned.
ordιne ♞
honestly if you still have your saved work you originally submitted before the 6 page bullshit I would just submit that...
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i still have the old PDF saved at least for her reference
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but yeah the upcoming project is why i finally just broke down and emailed becky with help
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and i'm. honestly really scared for monday. because J tries to put up this calm collected front in front of our boss and she gets super upset with me if i do anything to break her facade
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like... half of the problem with her is that she wants to be as put together as our boss, because she thinks that's the only way she can earn a raise or rise up the ranks, but she still needs her hand held on every miniscule task and no matter how i try to teach her nothing ever actually makes its way in and registers in her thick skull
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i made an entire powerpoint with text and screenshots explaining how to resize an image to 500px wide.
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she still cannot do it and claims it "must be something only laptops can do"
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(i do not work on a laptop either at home or at work)
ordιne ♞
how often are your 1:1s again?
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weekly
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not this week, bc broker conference, but usually every tuesday
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the problem is her cube is right next to mine
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and she can hear everything i say.
ordιne ♞
ok I would definitely ask your boss if you can have it elsewhere (why are they at your desk anyway)
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my boss works remotely! so it's a phone call
ordιne ♞
OH OK
ordιne ♞
that makes sense
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and free rooms in our building are REALLY hard to come by.
ordιne ♞
maybe ask your boss if that part of the convo can take place over IM?
ordιne ♞
if your work has that
ordιne ♞
because honestly, I think your boss telling you you're holding yourself back is correlating with your coworker restricting your freedom both on and off projects
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i might just ask if she can call my cell for the 1:1 next week and head outside... i don't think becky likes using our IM
ordιne ♞
its obvious you're passionate about your work and you do good work! I just think your environment is boxing you in
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;;; thanks... it helps to at least hear that i'm not as much of a failure as i've been feeling
ordιne ♞
no man just hearing this situation it's like
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and if becky REALLY thought i was a "failure" i'm pretty sure i'd know
ordιne ♞
You had something done and polished but? someone reading an article means OVERHAUL when NOW ISNT THE TIME FOR IT
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so it's dumb but. mental illness likes to kick logic in the teeth
ordιne ♞
it took me forever to open up about problems to my boss too to similar previous job trauma so I totally feel you, but Becky does sound like she has your best interests at heart so I think she'd help out
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i should have just told her no don't do that. there is a part of that i feel like i do need to take some blame for, because i don't know whether she would have listened or not. it's a moot point now, since what's done is done, and i'm willing to chalk it up to it being on both of us
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but that's just for today
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the rest of it... i made my expectations pretty clear
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and she's acting like i'm being impossible to work with, but i don't understand how the workflow i'm asking her to follow isn't bog-standard
ordιne ♞
theres legitimate frustration in your coworker asking you to overhaul the whole project I feel
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its clear she didn't think it out and just was like
ordιne ♞
'this is a good idea. Implement it"
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yeah, no, i'm not saying that wasn't dumb on her part too. it was. it was just also dumb of me to say "yeah ok"
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also tbh
ordιne ♞
its one thing if she said that and had some possible layouts to go over with you but it sounds like she just wanted you to fulfill her demands
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99.9% of her ideas are "this is a good idea. implement it"
ordιne ♞
YEAH I mean you clearly realize it was a mistake to say 'yeah ok'
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also a relatively minor point of irritation: because she's doing all of her writing in indesign proper and she can't really use it aside from making text boxes, i neglected to put a chart in the mostly-finished version from yday morning... because she never mentioned it was needed in the draft she handed me
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i'm sure it was in her notes somewhere, but i honestly just went "nope" on that entire document
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or like she'll just expect me to put in the updated statistics and it's like... it wasn't my job to write this thing!
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it was HER job to compile the stats and write the ebook! at least, that was my understanding!
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bluh.
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we'll see what monday brings but i'm just so tired.
ordιne ♞
just take it one day at a time. The day will pass like every day before it
ordιne ♞
なんとかなるさ - "things will work out somehow"
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;; thank you... I shall keep that phrase in mind
no nut nerd
wow that’s.... ugh
no nut nerd
especially when you just can’t do your work the way you need to!!!
Yuff
yeah echoing others here, she complains about your ability to work in a team but it doesn't sound like she's being much of a team player at all
Yuff
at the same time, I have a pretty disruptive office mate too, and in the case that they can't move you- I think it's important to you (and the the office at whole) -- to make sure to set boundaries
Yuff
aka make it clear to her that you're doing your work and don't jump up and help her every 15 minutes
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because it sounds less like she's in actual need of help and more enabling her own helplessness
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since her atittude definitely reads of someone who is less appreciative of you and more takes you for granted
Yuff
it doesn't even have to be a big confrontation, just "sorry I'm doing my work"
Yuff
JUSt...yeah you're super sweet and I've heard you talk about this coworker before! And it's great you're willing to help coworkers! But it very much sounds like she's taking advantage of that and then throwing you under the bus when it's conveinent for her
Yuff
which ain't cool at all
Yuff
and I'm very sure it's not in your job description to help J with every whim
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thank you ;; THE SUPPORT IS VERY APPRECIATED but I don’t know what else to say
Yuff
Yuff
I WISH I COULD BE THERE TO TELL J TO EFF OFF TBH