if there was even a remote possibility that Vanessa and I could have a boy, I want to name him Shooter Uxley

it's such a good name

It’s such a rich person name

I'm going to strangle him.

He's going to end up the villain of an Adam Sandler movie

ALL THE POPCORN EVERYWHERE

the smile of someone who delights in ruining her parents’ sleep

Not exactly living up to the decaff nickname, kiddo.

Look at that sinister little face

wanna poke those dimples

Baby teeth are the most comically frightening thing

She'd better be glad she's cute. When they get older, I'm going to tell them when one of them acts bad not to act too wild because we have an identical version of both of them.

And yeah goddamn they're starting to look like real people instead of doughnuts. Those Petrucci genes are hella strong though lmao

they chew on everything, they're like gerbils

lmaosob they do

Nothing is safe.

I have to tell people that Pippa kisses with teeth

because she does -_-

all babies find delight in your pain, the little psychopaths