just finished a call and was absolutely brutal to the guy.

He called in wanting an extra six months of warranty because his printer had been out of use for three months.

So first, he didn't call in for help for a full month after the problem started, so that's on him. Then he said we were uncommunicative.

I proceeded to read him date/time stamps of emails sent to him, asking for information, and that he never responded to at all, and then he'd call in to complain.

"If you had communicated with us in a timely manner, we would have been able to determine the issue and resolve it by sending you the new part you need within 48 hours of your first contact, taking into account the time we're not open."

It was like every time he popped up with an attack with his dagger, I hit him with a devastating reposte with a caber.

he finally wilted, at which point I hit him with the "Having checked with my manager, I can offer you a one-week extension on your warranty period. Would that be acceptable?"

well DONE

we keep track of this stuff.

Finestkind. I broke my team once when I got a problem customer on the phone - the guy always refused to troubleshoot and would threaten to get his lawyer every time instead. I said 'Oh good, will he troubleshoot with me?' and people just fell over. Didn't produce the desired effect on the customer, though.

oh, we have ruleas for that. The moment they mention a lawyer, I give them the email for Legal and we mark them as "do not interact with except through legal".

Oh sweet.