мαи∂α
I put on my big girl panties and finally got something scheduled with my PCP to establish care and talk about my depression, but that won't be until the afternoon of the 9th zzz
мαи∂α
I function fine in getting what I need to done but I feel so... idk unexcited about a lot of life and unmotivated and it flares up sometimes real bad
𝖗𝖆𝖟𝖎𝖊𝖑
oh good!! that first step is always the toughest
H I M B O
im very proud of you honey
im very proud of you honey
niangniang
ahhh I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT FRIEND ;;;
niangniang
that's a tough step to take but i'm sure it's gonna help a lot
stormcaller
мαи∂α
thanks friends, it can't come soon enough..........
мαи∂α
it's such a dumb feeling too? because it's also like just not.. feeling anything inside and it makes no sense
𝖗𝖆𝖟𝖎𝖊𝖑
yeah i totally understand that hollow sort of feeling
𝖗𝖆𝖟𝖎𝖊𝖑
and then when you start really feeling again it's like WHOA!! THE WORLD HAS SO MANY COLORS!!
мαи∂α
I want that so bad
мαи∂α
because right now it feels like I just get myself worked up so I feel SOMETHING
𝖗𝖆𝖟𝖎𝖊𝖑
you've made a positive step!! it'll take time and it'll be hard but it's so worth it
niangniang
yeah, once you get on a medication that works, you feel like yourself again
niangniang
it doesn't mean you're never gonna be sad or depressed again but it gives you the tools to deal with it and work through it way more effectively
𝖗𝖆𝖟𝖎𝖊𝖑
yes exactly!
niangniang
it is a pretty amazing feeling
niangniang
ngl
niangniang
and i resisted going on brain drugs for YEARS and when i finally did it changed my whole life
мαи∂α
I just dont' want to spend the money trying to figure out this shit tbh that's been what's putting me off
мαи∂α
because it's not only paying for the appts it's the changes in medication and then I have to figure out my work schedule to accommodate for an appt...
мαи∂α
I still don't want to do it, but I made an appt at least
niangniang
yeah
niangniang
and i get that... like, as someone who has struggled financially for years i totally get that
niangniang
but for me it's been a totally worthy and important expense because it keeps me functional to do the rest of my life
мαи∂α
I just have a hard time justifying any expense and I end up having to help out a lot more than I should with family expenses
мαи∂α
that often get sprung on me
мαи∂α
so anything financial makes me freak out
мαи∂α
I'll just reuse this plurk, but I found month's worth of medication I was previously on that I ended up having to wean-ish off because I didn't have insurance for most of this year. NOT EXPIRED, and I think I'll try that until I see the new dr
мαи∂α
I remember being like EH WHATEVER with it because it didn't feel like it was helping as much near the end there, but there was.. a Lot going on at that time of the year
мαи∂α
but at least I can tell the new dr if I think it's working/worth revisiting or if I want to try a new combination