ushiwaka’s wife
went to therapy today and it was nice but also sad
ushiwaka’s wife
I talked about how hard my week was at work since I wasn't eating, it was busy basically every single day and I had to deal with multiple people yelling at me
ushiwaka’s wife
got to talk about how much my intrusive thoughts are just.. emotionally draining me lol
ushiwaka’s wife
I think the only person I know who suffers from this is andie?? she commented once on a plurk I made about it
ushiwaka’s wife
but yeah
ushiwaka’s wife
I just explained how hard it is to have to think these awful, violent and disturbing things 24/7
ushiwaka’s wife
and it's even worse since my job requires me to interact with people constantly
ushiwaka’s wife
I just wish that one day I won't look at someone/my friends/my mother and think, "I should stab you in the throat and see what happens."
ushiwaka’s wife
they're only thoughts, no urges to actually act on them
ushiwaka’s wife
but it's still really fucking hard to think these things and know that you're thinking them
ushiwaka’s wife
if that makes any sense
ushiwaka’s wife
we also talked about chester
ushiwaka’s wife
which made me cry really bad
ushiwaka’s wife
she said I was her second client to bring it up to her. this one guy she sees said that he had to take the following day off from work because he just couldn't deal/process what happened.
ushiwaka’s wife
I finally worked up courage to listen to them and
ushiwaka’s wife
I don't know I've said this on twitter already but it still doesn't feel real to me
ushiwaka’s wife
I still can't wrap my head around him being gone
ushiwaka’s wife
I told my therapist about the fact that he was sexually abused as a child, struggled with addiction, battled depression and only recently lost his friend chris (from soundgarden)
ushiwaka’s wife
and it's weird because like
ushiwaka’s wife
we have shared experiences, even though I wasn't aware of certain things until much later into their career
ushiwaka’s wife
so I talked about how I really felt a connection to him, music aside
ushiwaka’s wife
and man... this hurts so fucking bad
ushiwaka’s wife
I said this on dany's plurk the other day, but I straight up would not be who I am today without linkin park or chester
ushiwaka’s wife
they were my formative years when it came to music
ushiwaka’s wife
I would not have gotten into rock, progressive metal, hardcore, post-hardcore, punk, ska and indie without them
ushiwaka’s wife
I grew up in the Caribbean, so the focus of the music played there was reggae, reggaeton, soca, jamband, R&B, rap and hip-hop
ushiwaka’s wife
the first album I ever heard by them was meteora, first song was breaking the habit
ushiwaka’s wife
it played on MTV every single day and I remember when I was at home visiting my father during summer I would basically sleep until breaking the habit came on lmao
ushiwaka’s wife
the tv would be left on MTV and from the first few seconds of the song I would wake up just so I could watch the video and sing along
ushiwaka’s wife
when I went back to my mother I made my sister buy me the CD
ushiwaka’s wife
I got my first CD player to listen to it
ushiwaka’s wife
it was so cool to me
ushiwaka’s wife
it still is
ushiwaka’s wife
I still think meteora is one of the most perfect albums I've ever heard in my 24 years of being alive
ushiwaka’s wife
meteora changed everything for me
ushiwaka’s wife
it is one of the most important albums to me
ushiwaka’s wife
I know it's like, "there are other band members too!" I totally get that
ushiwaka’s wife
but for me, aside from mikey, chester's voice is who I was hearing most of the time
ushiwaka’s wife
I listened to him
ushiwaka’s wife
mikey's still here but chester's gone
ushiwaka’s wife
I don't know
ushiwaka’s wife
I'm having a really hard time explaining myself
ushiwaka’s wife
I remember when I got to high school and later into the hardcore scene
ushiwaka’s wife
everyone thought it was funny to crack jokes about linkin park and I'd just be like "lol fuck you I love them, they're a good band"
ushiwaka’s wife
I think they got unfairly lumped in with bands like idk nickelback and limp bizkit or whatever
ushiwaka’s wife
which fucking sucks because linkin park are so much better than them. they just happened to occupy the somewhat same genres around the same decade (early 2000s)
ushiwaka’s wife
side note, I'm listening to meteora at the moment and like this was the first time I was exposed to an album that had that continual transition? like the way each song seamlessly fades into the next? so fucking well done
ushiwaka’s wife
I'll never forget when they did the collaboration with jay z
ushiwaka’s wife
how fucking cool was that? how fucking rad was that album?
ushiwaka’s wife
I just can't believe I'm never going to see him again
ushiwaka’s wife
I'm never going to see new videos of him performing live, new interviews, new songs, new videos
ushiwaka’s wife
I'm so unbelievably sad
ushiwaka’s wife
he meant so much to me
ushiwaka’s wife
his voice was so unique
ushiwaka’s wife
honestly people can fight me on this but he made that scream-sing thing popular, like mainstream popular in a way that was different
ushiwaka’s wife
he was such a good person
ushiwaka’s wife
I'm so sad that he felt like he just couldn't continue living anymore
ushiwaka’s wife
I'm so sad that he was in so much pain
ushiwaka’s wife
he never deserved to be.. no one does really
ushiwaka’s wife
I will always miss him, every single day of my life. I owe so much to him.
ushiwaka’s wife
he got me through my younger teenage years and I loved him for that later on
ushiwaka’s wife
):
ushiwaka’s wife
I love chester and I'm just.. I don't know I'm relieved that he's not in pain anymore
ushiwaka’s wife
he's at peace and I guess that's all I can ask and hope for right now
ushiwaka’s wife
bleh.. gonna go watch some game grumps and jesse cox stuff to cheer up
ushiwaka’s wife
ah
ushiwaka’s wife
wait
ushiwaka’s wife
just remembered something
ushiwaka’s wife
I went on a road trip once with this girl who I called my best friend
ushiwaka’s wife
on the way back home we had so much fun for various reasons
ushiwaka’s wife
but at one point, maybe an hour and a half out from getting back to my apartment, I put on meteora and we sang the entire album at the top of our lungs
ᴄʜɪʜɪʀᴏ🗡️
I'm glad therapy let you talk about all the things you needed to talk about baby
I'm glad therapy let you talk about all the things you needed to talk about baby
ushiwaka’s wife
and it was just such a good moment
ushiwaka’s wife
danybel: thank you dany 
ᴄʜɪʜɪʀᴏ🗡️
I hope you feel better too 
ushiwaka’s wife
ushiwaka’s wife
just listened to leave out all the rest and i wasn't ready
ushiwaka’s wife
I thought I could handle it but I was wrong
ushiwaka’s wife
hysterically sobbing in my room now
ushiwaka’s wife
I love this song so much and like.. I loved it even more because the video was inspired by one of my favourite movies ever
ushiwaka’s wife
but this song hurts so much more now
ushiwaka’s wife
god I hope you're at peace now chester, I really do... rest easy
Lassarina
Meteora is such a good album
ushiwaka’s wife
it really and truly is ):