also, ask me character questions!
Mouth Powers
also, ask me character questions!
also, ask me character questions!
Becky
6, 9, 21, 27
Mouth Powers
So, with the caveat that I am Not Good At Consuming Music
Mouth Powers
"Let's Kill Tonight" is....very Jedao
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like, Up the Wolves is good, but it's too hopeful, too much rebellion and not enough damnation
Mouth Powers
When he was alive I think 95% of the time he had the soldier's skill of falling into a dead sleep anywhere at any time
Mouth Powers
and the remaining 5% of the time had horrible slow inexorable lock-in type nightmares
Mouth Powers
now on the barge he has a very hard time sleeping at all, and his brain tries to dream of empty blackness in the cradle but it wakes him up
Mouth Powers
his brain is like...kind of still booting that system back up
Mouth Powers
mostly on the barge when he can't sleep he re-reads the archives and makes notes, although soon he will move to the library and start doing an earth history survey
Mouth Powers
his pre-barge nightmares definitely usually feature him as the monster
Mouth Powers
starting as a small sharp little parasite and slowly growing into a gelatinous dinosaur-sized behemoth poisoning everything in its wake
Mouth Powers
not subtle
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he'd wake up from that one just like
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'wow, thanks brain, I know'
Becky
Oomph.
Mouth Powers
HONESTLY THE WISHES THING
Mouth Powers
going to be a big huge thing he has to deal with before graduating
Becky
oh well. Oops
Becky
or yay. or some of both
𝕊𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝ℝ𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥ℍ𝕖𝕣𝕖
Jedao - 7, 14, and 26
Mouth Powers
because he's conscientious enough that his goal was NEVER just 'destroy the hept/hexarchate' - it was always 'destroy it and replace it with something else stable that isn't based on torture'
Mouth Powers
and if he gets an option to magically like....undo almost an entire millennium of the only home and culture he's ever had, every friend and family member, uncountable trillions of lives, all of it based on a fundamental atrocity....like....is he supposed to do that????
Mouth Powers
and then, if he DOES replace the Hexarchate, even with a regime that doesn't require remembrances, Doctrine will still have to be enforced somehow, what does that end up looking like?
Mouth Powers
it's an easier decision when his options are limited to 'the best he can acheive' versus 'wish'
Mouth Powers
in the end he'd wish for 1) Cheris to establish the best regime feasible 2) for his long-dead family to have retroactively lived out happy lives in which they forgot him and everyone else also forgot they were the next of kin for the arch-traitor and 3) for him to be unable to kill a person ever again
Mouth Powers
OH GOD so his mother was literally murdered while he was being interrogated after his treason
Mouth Powers
mostly he just wishes he could say he was sorry
Mouth Powers
and that like, what he became wasn't her fault
Mouth Powers
𝕊𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝ℝ𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥ℍ𝕖𝕣𝕖
mostly negative
Mouth Powers
like, he KNOWS he's capable and clever and what have you, but his kneejerk emotions are pretty firmly fixed on 'hates himself a lot', although he tries not to wallow
Mouth Powers
I think he's actually, genuinely ambidextrous at the team-vs-solo thing
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it would be easy to read him as a team player who is forced by terrible circumstance to work alone but I don't think that's right
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even before he starts his crusade you gets hints of him just doing things his own way
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volunteering for 5-on-1 exercises, submitted his game anonymously
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his career is almost evenly split, time wise, between independent assassination and military unit maneuvers with the Kel, and he thrived in both places
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his profound emotional isolation hurt not because he was a 'team player' but just because he's human
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I think before he died his pre-sleep ritual consisted of mostly 1) trying not to have obsession anxiety about the treason thing 2) why don't we obsessively review useful immediate military concerns instead 3) whiskey and cards with Gized when he was having a really, really bad night
Mouth Powers
but those were comparatively rare
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now on the barge he's just....how does sleep even work, he hasn't not-been-conscious in 400 years and it freaks him out really deeply and it's not great
Mouth Powers
he's almost certainly going to end up becoming an alcoholic for a while just to get some rest
Mouth Powers
but it will take a long time before he cracks because he can keep going a long time