EsperBot
One-comment reviews of all games in my Steam Library I've played.
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AaAaAA!!! - A Reckless Disregard for Gravity Not for those with gravity. Strong presentation of a simple yet fun concept.
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Alan Wake I don't think any other game's done this good a job making me feel hunted by a dark and malevolent entity. Mechanical gimmicks wear thin after a while, but still well worthwhile.
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*not for those with vertigo
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Alice: Madness Returns Camera felt wonky, I didn't get far in this one.
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Alien Swarm Brilliant game sabotaged by having only one pre-baked campaign ad and no post-launch support or map editor. Still, it was free, so no complaints.
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Amnesia: The Dark Descent Brilliant game that I've never finished because I'm too huge of a baby.
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Antichamber I enjoyed it until the instant I hit a room where I didn't understand the rules of the non-Euclidean space, and then I stopped playing.
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Audiosurf Kind of a fun time waters but not much more than that.
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Bastion One of the strongest game-narrative experiences of the past ten years. THat soundtrack, man.
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Batman - The Telltale Series Played two chapters of this, was mildly intrigued, I guess I'll come back to it. Amazingly poorly optimized engine.
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Batman: Arkham Asylum The series OG. Deserves recognition for starting things off, but hasn't aged well.
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Batman: Arkham City A massive step up from Asylum in every area except writing, where it's only a very mild step up instead.
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Batman: Arkham Origins Arguably the strongest narrative in the series, sabotaged by a lack of polish and a janky PC port.
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Batman™: Arkham Knight Would be unquestionably the best in the series if not the sub-par and out of place Tank Combat sequences, and the terrible PC port.
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Battlefield: Bad Company 2 BOught it for the single-player campaign's dialogue, was a bit disappointed there, but had a lot of fun with the multiplayer.
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Beast Boxing Turbo It's punch-out. It's...fine?
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Before the Echo When I played this it had a totally different name. An attempt to merge DDR gameplay with turn-based RPG combat. It's fucking terrible.
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BioShock Strong. Taking down my first Big Daddy is still on my list of most triumphant video game memories.
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Bioshock 2 I like the ideas here, but it felt less satisfying than the first. Never finished it.
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BioShock Infinite Ambitious, and I like what it was trying to do, but the execution didn't quite come together. The anti-hype backlash against it was ludicrously out of proportion, though.
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BIT.TRIP BEAT When you're in the groove it feels amazing, but I don't feel any need to really do much with it.
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Blocks That Matter I played this game for twenty minutes years ago. I don't remember a thing about it.
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Blood Omen 2: Legacy of Kain does not run on modern systems.
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Borderlands The absurd FOV made me motion sick and I found the actual shooting mostly tedious.
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Braid A very cool game that I have no interest in actually playing much of.
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Broken Age I played through most of the game and quite liked it, but then I got to a point where it appeared that the only way to solve the puzzle was for the player to carry information between routes, and that annoyed me deeply.
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Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons Good game that I didn't finish.
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Brütal Legend Hell yeah motherfucker. Gameplay is kind of clunky though.
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Bulletstorm A brilliantly funny and surprisingly subversive game. This game has way more going on thematically than it might appear.
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Bunch Of Heroes I played this once. It was...okay? But I felt no desire to ever play it again.
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Child of Light What seems like a perfectly fine game, which I have played little of because the thought of wrestling with uPlay again makes my soul curl up and cry.
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Chime GOod music, fun gameplay, but not a lot of depth or replayability.
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D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die Fucking amazingly weird. That season two will never happen is the world's greatest tragedy.
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Darksiders Do you want to play a mediocre Zelda game with mediocre God of War combat with a grimdark aesthetic? Well, actually, it's a surprisingly good time despite that description.
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Darksiders II I have nothing against this game at all but for whatever reason I keep bouncing off of it.
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Dark Souls Game of a generation. Just incredible stuff.
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Dark Souls II A step down from its predecessor, but still really damn good.
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Dark Souls III A worthy sequel for sure. Here's hoping the last DLC will kick ass.
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DC Universe Online It was free, so I played it. RUnning up walls was kind of fun. I can't do MMOs, though. I get bored.
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Deadly Premonition: The Director's Cut If you haven't played this, why? Do you hate life? Do you hate creativity?
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Dead Space Possibly the least scary good horror game I've ever played. Best UI of any game.
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Dead Space 2Scarier than the first game, better in almost every way, but without the narrative structure that made the first game so good.
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Dear Esther Worth playing once, probably not worth making much of a fuss over. Beautiful to look at.
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Defense Grid: The Awakening Fun tower defense with a clever narrator. Gets tedious and overly difficult over time, as tower defense games tend to do.
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Deus Ex: Game of the Year Edition It's a classic for a reason, even if it's really ugly and clunky in a lot of ways.
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Deus Ex: Human Revolution Really solid revival for the series. A bit more limited than the original in terms of possible paths, but with really satisfying gameplay.
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Dishonored THis is a game where you can summon up a plague of rats to eat your enemies alive, and also teleport.
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Divekick More of a joke than a real game, but a shockingly real game nonetheless.
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Don't Starve I can't do survival games. It seems like a pretyt good one though?
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DOOM Great gameplay, a fantastic revival for the series, but..I can't navigate these maps at all.
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Dota 2
2,282 hrs on record
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Dragon Age: Origins - Ultimate Edition WHY IS THIS GAME SO HARD????
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F.E.A.R. Really good FPS, with a pretty good story and scares attached. Its multiplayer is sadly dead now but was shockingly good.
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Fallout 3 - Game of the Year Edition I'm sure this game is fine. I can't get into it.
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Fallout: New Vegas See above.
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FINAL FANTASY IX The best of the 3D final fantasies.
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FINAL FANTASY XIII The worst of the 3D final fantasies. THis game is my Moby Dick.
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Firewatch THe ending is kind of an anticlimax but I adore most of the stuff on the way. I'd recommend it.
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Flight of the Icarus So, GUns of Icarus is a fairly fun multiplayer game where each player takes on a crew role in an airship and dukes it out with other airships. Flight of the Icarus is the exact same game, except single player, and you have to do everything yourself, and there's nothing to do but defend against waves of ships. It sucks.
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Freedom Force This game was probably the best way to build your own superhero until Valor came out.
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Frozen Cortex Turn-based football! With robots!
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FTL: Faster Than Light Space roguelike where everything is on fire. It's good fun!
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Galaxy on Fire 2™ Full HD Pure tedium.
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Gone Home I quite like it! I appreciate how it creates gameplay without having any actual mechanics, by having you navigate the house.
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Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas The last GTA I spent much time with. It's a good time!
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Grand Theft Auto IV Steam, no, there is no way I played this for 23 hours. THis game fucking sucks.
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Grand Theft Auto V THis game is pretyt great, although I haven't spent much time with it.
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Grim Fandango Remastered I love this game, but I have to admit, man some of those puzzle solutions are OBTUSE.
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Gunpoint FUn shenanigans with funner dialogue around it.
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Guns of Icarus Online See: Flight of the Icarus, above.
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Half-Life 2 (And its episodes) SO many games have imitated it. I don't know that any have truly matched it.
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Hard Reset I was promised old-school shooter action. What I got was turgid, with bullet sponge enemies. Hard pass.
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Her Story Very cool concept.
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Hitman 2: Silent Assassin The game's showing its age pretty badly, and there are some big problems, but it's still a damn enjoyable game.
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Hitman: Absolution The game so shitty I wrote 10000 words explaining why.
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Hitman: Blood Money The old standard for the series. Still tremendous, years later.
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HITMAN™ A pure and fantastic revival for the series. I love it to death.
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Homeworld Remastered Collection It's still Homeworld, but they fucked up the formations! They don't fucking work!
You're Quinner
what ever happened with that new Homeworld game from a couple years ago about giant desert jeep aircraft carriers
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I think it came out! I haven't played it.
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Hotline Miami Tight, tight, tight. Twitchy gameplay kills you instantly but restarting is no penalty at all. Fantastic Aesthetic.
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Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number Eh...it feels like it's missing the magic that held the first game together.
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Hydrophobia: Prophecy Great looking water, some good gameplay concepts, never got far in it.
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Hyper Light Drifter Looks amazing. Plays fantastic. I got so frustrated trying to find a thing that was on my map that I stopped playing without fighting a single boss.
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Infested Planet My experiences with it have felt kind of slow and boring but I think I'm still in some kind of tutorial so
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INSIDE I'm not finished this yet but it SEEMS very interesting.
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Invisible, Inc. the Mark of the Ninja guys made a turn-based stealth X-COM-alike. It's fantastic.
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Jolly Rover The least funny adventure game I've ever played, and that's saying something.
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Just Cause 2 Do you like gliding around and blowing stuff up? Because boy howdy do I have a game for you.
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Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes I love it, but I'm biased.
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Kentucky Route Zero If you haven't played it, why aren't you playing it right now?
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Kerbal Space Program I can't grok this game at all but I love that it exists.
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Killer is Dead Like most of Grasshopper Manufacture's games, I like the aesthetic and the ideas of this game much more than actually playing it.
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Killing Floor Pretty basic wave-based monster FPS game, but fun despite it.
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Knock-knock I think the best thing I can say to describe Knock-Knock is that on the steam community hub, I saw someone ask what should have been a simple mechanical question, got eight wildly divergent answers, and then the devs showed up to say 'great guesses everyone! :-)'
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Left 4 Dead By the time I got on this train L4D2 was already out, so this one was a bit obselete but holy shit is it a good time.
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Left 4 Dead 2 Coach for Best Character. Some minor animation glitch issues are my only complaint with this game.
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Lethal League It's like Smash Bros but with Handball.
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Life Is Strange™ A disappointing ending can't erase the overall strength of this game's narrative. Fuck that stupid tornado, though.
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LIMBO Jesus Christ How Horrifying
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LIMBO The sprite graphics scale like shit on a screen that's anywhere near modern resolution, so unfortunately I've had to shelve it permanantly, but I like a lot of what this game lays down.
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Mark of the Ninja Klei's really good at stealth. Not much more to say.
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Mass Effect I miss the elevators. Honestly, this game is clunky as fuck to play, but remains memorable all these years later.
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Mass Effect 2 The gameplay was refined from the first game and the final mission is one of the best sequence of choices and outcomes in gaming history, but I didn't find the overall story as compelling as the first game.
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MASSIVE CHALICE Another XCom-Alike, this time with bloodlines and a really long timescale. COuld use more enemy variety, I think.
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MELTY BLOOD Actress Again Current Code In high school, me and my brother played this on apirated and untranslated version with no knowledge of what Tsukihime was. We had fun.
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Metro 2033 Linear as all hell but still fantastically immersive. Just a really solid package all around.
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Metro: Last Light Started as good as the first game, but then two hours in I got a scripting glitch that made progress impossible, and I never came back to it.\
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Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor I'm not as big of a fan of the combat as in other Arkham games, and I have mixed feelings about Branding as a mechanic, but the Nemesis system was awesome.
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Mirror's Edge A perfectly fine game that I'm rubbish at playing.
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Monaco The best four-player Gong Show money can buy.
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Monday Night Combat This attempt to bring Dota/LoL to a third-person-shooter format didn't really take off, unfortunately, but it was good fun.
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Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition The story mode is pretty good for fighting games, and now every fighting game is trying to emulate it. The actual fighting game behind it is godawful, though.
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Nidhogg is super fun, but I never feel much motivation to play it.
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ONE PIECE PIRATE WARRIORS 3 does not have particularly deep gameplay but if you want to wade into fanservice that's chest-deep, this is it.
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Papers, Please FOR THE GLORY OF ARZTOSKA
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Party Hard Fun concept, but unfortunately there's just not that much to this game.
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PAYDAY 2 Like Left 4 Dead, but with cops instead of zombie. SO many dead cops.
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PAYDAY: The Heist Payday 2 does literally everything this game does, and does it better.
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Pillars of Eternity Fuck me, I lvoe this game, even if I keep forgetting to play it.
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Planetside 2 If you manage to fook up with a column and have even semi-organized play, the experience is tremendous. Just running around solo, it's miserable.
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Plants vs. Zombies: Game of the Year It's just a tower defense game. And not even a particularly good one. I don't care fo Plants vs Zombies.
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Poker Night at the Inventory & Poker Night 2 Fun for a short diversion but bail when you've heard all the dialogue snippets, because that's all there is to the game, really.
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Portal Tight, carefully executed puzzles and a compelling antagonist.
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Portal 2 Not as tight as the first game, but there's so much more to the game that it makes up for it. One of the best coop modes of all time.
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Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Fun combat, irritating platforming.
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Prison Architect I haven't played this since it was in alpha. It's basically a graphical but less detailed Dwarf Fortress.
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Psychonauts May not be the best platformer ever in terms of gameplay, but the visual design work, the writing,a nd the sheer number of options available to you make it one of the greatest of all time.
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Remember Me Better than its reputation, but still deeply flawed. Makes a bad first impression because the game's combo system takes ages to open up, and until it does the combat is super basic.
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resident evil 4 / biohazard 4 I only played a little, but what I played felt rock solid.
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Rogue Legacy Sadly doesn't seem to play nice with my computer anymore, but one of the better ROuge-lites.
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S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl I've bounced off this game like three times. It's intimidating!
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Saints Row: The Third Delightfully absurd, with some of the most fun driving in any open-world game.
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Saints Row IV I actually prefer the third, even though this game's a lot of fun too.
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Samurai Gunn You remembered the sword. BUT YOU FORGOT THE GUN. This is a great local multiplayer game.
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Sang-Froid - Tales of Werewolves Great gameplay bogged down by visual presentation issues.
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Scribblenauts Unlimited More of a toy than a game, but it's one hell of a toy.
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Shadow Man Amazingly, still supported and worked perfectly on modern PCs. This game is way better than you'd expect, although its control scheme is still pretty clunky.
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Shadow Warrior The best shooter of that year, although the story did get irritatingly morose in the back half.
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Shatter It's Arkanoid with bosses.
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Sid Meier's Civilization: Beyond Earth I only played one full campaign. Kind of lackluster.
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Sid Meier's Civilization V Wait when did it become four AM holy shit
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Silent Hill: Homecoming Yeesh. This is...not the series' finest hour.
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Sins of a Solar Empire: Trinity I played this once, at a lan party. I had no idea what I was doing.
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Sir, You Are Being Hunted I only played a little, but what I played was compelling. It really does feel like being hunted.
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Skullgirls I love this game and I wish I were better at it.
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Sonic Adventure™ 2 The most amazing thing about this game is how the sound editing is so awful that characters are constantly stepping on each other's lines.
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Sonic Generations Probably the best 3D sonic game.
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Spec Ops: The Line You don't play this game to have fun. War's not a game at all. Highly recommended.
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Spelunky JESUS CHRIST I PISSED OFF THE SHOPKEEPERS
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STAR WARS™: Dark Forces Classic shooter. Doesn't run on modern systems.
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STAR WARS™: Knights of the Old Republic™ I love this game to peices, but like so many old Bioware RPGs, I don't know that I could ever play it again. It gets...kind of tedious.
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STAR WARS™ Empire at War I love a good RTS. I love Star Wars. I did not love this game.
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STAR WARS™ Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II I wish I could get this game to run. I played through Nar Shadaa so many times as a kid.
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STAR WARS™ Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast™ The lightsaber fights in this game were sick as all hell.
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STAR WARS™ Knights of the Old Republic™ II: The Sith Lords™ For some reason, I've never gotten past the first few areas in this game.
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STAR WARS™ Starfighter™ A surprisingly decent arcade space flight sim. But that's about it. Just waves of fighters.
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Street Fighter IV Great, but hard to go back to. Fucking 1-frame link combos everywhere.
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Street Fighter V A great fighting game bogged down by a clumsy release.
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Strike Suit Zero A good space flight sim in which you can turn into the CHouginga GUrren Lagann.
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Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery EP Really compelling opening, really disappointing ending.
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Super Meat Boy If you like really hard platformers and watching dozens of tiny meat men through themselves to their deaths, this is the game for you.
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Team Fortress 2 I'll never forget all the good times I had with this game, but I tried going back to it recently and eesh, it hasn';t aged that well.
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Teleglitch: Die More Edition THIS GAME IS SO DAMN HARD.
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The Binding of Isaac So on my first brush witht he base game ages ago I didn't really realize what I was playing, and I bounced off of it. FOllowing the SBFP video, I got back in and am having a tremendous time.
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The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Like all of Bethesda's open-world game, I wind up falling away after a while.
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The Legend of Korra™ Fantastic action game that needed more of everything. More areas, more enemy types, more combos and moves. Just. MORE.
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The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom Time puzzles are tricky. This game does them pretty decent?
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The Stanley Parable An experience for sure. Must be played to be believed.
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The Swapper SUper Metroid meets Portal. I adore this game and not jsut for its fantastic look.
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The UnderGarden
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The Vanishing of Ethan Carter Redux I played this for half an hour. It was veyr pretty, and I was a little intrigued, but not enough to go back to it.
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The Void
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The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt This game kicks so much ass. There's so much stuff to do and so much of it has thought and narrative put into it.
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The Witcher: Enhanced Edition I love so many of the ideas in this game but by god is it ever janky as fuck.
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The Witness Meditative Puzzle Garden.
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Thief I played it for half an hour. I think I'm good.
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Tomb Raider Flawed in many ways, but extremely compelling nonetheless.
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Transformers: War for Cybertron I CAN'T SEE SHIT
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Transistor This game is gorgeous and has so many cool ideas but It's just a 9 while the Bastion is a 10.
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*Trine Oh hey it's the Lost Vikings.
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Ultra Street Fighter IV Just an improved version of SF4.
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Undertale One of the best gaming experiences you can buy.
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Viscera Cleanup Detail: Shadow Warrior Funny gimmick, not that great a game.
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Wasteland 2 Mortars are explosive and may blow up when shot. I learned this the hard way.
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We Know the Devil Very interesting queer visual novel. I still don't know what to think about a lot of it, but it's certainly worth checking out.
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X-COM: UFO Defense
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XCOM 2 One of the best games of last year. TOok an already fantastic model and improved it in nearly every way.
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XCOM: Enemy Unknown Even without Long War, this game is both fun and punishing as all hell. With Long War? Goodbye free time.
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Yatagarasu Attack on Cataclysm I only dabbled in it, but it seems like a fun fighting game with dumb anime trash character designs for the female characters.
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And somehow I missed this above: Beat Hazard I only played briefly, but it was miserable. Would not recommend.
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And that's it!
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