[mental health/body image/etc] so we had our annual health checkup at work yesterday...

which always includes measuring height and weight (oh boy!!! my favorite!!!)

this year I clocked in at 117 kilos; haven't done the exact conversion to pounds, for the sake of what remains of my sanity, but it'd be somewhere around 260.

and like, I know it's just a number, and the worth assigned to various numbers generally used to measure bodies is arbitrary bullshit. but man, I can't undo this particular bit of social conditioning.

It's a higher number than last year, and I've been taught to believe that that's bad, and that it makes me bad, unattractive, gross. It's an instant shame trigger.

It was all I could do not to start crying. But then today, I remembered a reason why the number is higher, and it made me feel a lot better.

The number is higher because I've spent the last ten months on an anti-depressant + anti-anxiety medication that has made me so much healthier and happier that it's like night and day compared to how I was before.

/FOREVER HUGS

I am a healthier and happier person at 260 lbs on Lexapro than I ever imagined I could be as a 160 lb teenager who was depressed and miserable all of the time

so numbers and the values society assigns to them can go fuck themselves

You're awesome and mass has no reflection on that!!!

honestly it's literally just a measurement of the force of gravity!

I'd weigh something like 42 lbs on the moon!

and in terms of appearance, I still think I look fly as hell which, again, is more than teenage me could ever have hoped to think of herself.

and anyone who doesn't think I look fly as hell, or doesn't want to get to know me because they've made a snap judgment based on how I look, can also get in line to go fuck themselves!!!

HELL YES YOU KNOW THAT'S RIGHT!!!

Mental health is the top priority and other people can fucken offen 8D