Yensia
[mute][family]
Yensia
I'm not sure what it says that I feel bad for forgetting to call Mom on her birthday less because I should have remembered and more because I am dreading the endless shit I will get over it.
Yensia
Maybe not today, when I call her later.
Yensia
But very possibly like. Two years from now, if we're arguing over something.
Yensia
There will be a list of harms I have done her and one will be YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE ME ENOUGH TO CALL ON MY BIRTHDAY
Yensia
I mean I also feel bad for forgetting
Yensia
but I'm just
Yensia
dreading hearing about it forever
kawaiigami
Yensia
And I think about this and it occurs to me that this is not healthy.
Yensia
I mean. The fact that I can be fairly sure that if we DO get into a massive argument, this will be held against me.
Yensia
She will say it's fine to my face and be upset to my sisters.
Ruevian
ugh.
Yensia
And she will nurse this hurt for years.
Ruevian
I'm sorry, dude. I relate. 
Ruevian
I used to forget my mom's b-day when I was younger and forget to call her (my parents are divorced) and even though I've been RELIGIOUS about calling her for every major holiday and birthday, she'll still whip out the fact that I forgot when I was a kid
Ruevian
just so she can indulge in some great matyrdom
kawaiigami
It's not healthy and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
Yensia
Mom will still talk about remembering the first time I lied to her >.>
Ruevian
lord.
Ruevian
like she's perfect
L'fuckingChaim
✧ Navigator ✧
Sigh. Parents :|
✧ Navigator ✧
'I spent the whole day thinking it was still the day before', and making it clear the fault is mine is something I've done before. Making the conversation all about her may be the way to go
ᴍᴇ? ɢᴏɴɢᴀɢᴀ
that's pretty obnoxious for her to hold shit like that over your head.
Yensia
Ruevian
: Bear in mind I was like. four.
Yensia
on top of that.
Yensia
✧ Navigator ✧
: I think I will go with that. I mean...I don't expect her to be mad at me now, it's just the worry that this will come up six months from now.
Yensia
And it's like. Then I reflect on the fact that I have anxiety and worry about people bringing up small things months later.
Yensia
And it's like oh
Ruevian
Yeah!
Ruevian
Growing up with someone like that, you become like hypersensitive to the possibility people might be secretly mad at yuo
Ruevian
resenting you
Ruevian
THANKS MOM
Yensia
/hugs
Yensia
I have a deep understanding of this worry about being secretly mad
Ruevian
/solidarity huug
Yensia
Also being reassured that they are NOT mad only to find later that they told everyone else they were mad still.
Yensia
OR for it to come up much later
Sᴀɢʀᴇᴅᴏ
that sucks. my dad did that until I cut contact...10 years ago. from what i've heard he still does it
Sᴀɢʀᴇᴅᴏ
did you call the therapist I gave you the card for?
Yensia
Not yet! I need to.
Yensia
ᴍᴇ? ɢᴏɴɢᴀɢᴀ
: My parents are not the healthiest no
Sᴀɢʀᴇᴅᴏ
Like I said, there's a lot of homework but I hope she can help you \o/
Yensia
aaaaand she just sent me an email that had the title "passive aggressive" though I"m not sure she intended to keep it that when it was sent
Yensia
About how all these people did things for her birthday or wished her happy birthday
Ruevian
...........
Ruevian
so she KNOWS she's being passive agressive?
Ruevian
and does it anyway?
Yensia
oh yeah she's totally aware
Ruevian
the fuck
the fuck
Ruevian
being passive aggressive is not a personality trait you wanna indulge, lady
Yensia
I was going to call and apologize but I am less inclined to be the bigger person now
Ruevian
yeah, fuck that
Ruevian
manipulative garbage bullshit
Yensia
Mom never really progressed from "I get that these behaviors are problematic" to "maybe I should check myself more."
Yensia
Hi, (Plurk Paste)
Yensia
See
Yensia
on the flip side
Yensia
Dad just doesn't care
Yensia
I mean. He's superficially nice but he does not exert himself for the concerns of other human beings.
Ruevian
Who is Liz
Yensia
On the upside, he also doesn't expect anyone else to be super emotionally involved in him, so he wouldn't care if I forgot his birthday.
Yensia
My sister
Yensia
Eileen is my other sister
Yensia
The other people are cousins.
Ruevian
I thought that might be it. "Your sister did all this nice stuff for me."
Yensia
oh yeah even if it hadn't been titled passive aggressive I'd have known it was
Yensia
I'm just really mad that I'm still upset by it
Yensia
I mean. I'm also mad
Yensia
But I'm crying?
Yensia
Because I am the Worst Daughter and I'm like oh god I know this is irrational
Yensia
People forget things
Yensia
(I also didn't send her a present because she keeps saying she's going to visit and I wanted to give it to her while she was here but oh well)
Yensia
uuuuuugh now I just don't want to talk to her ever
Yensia
oh right
Ruevian
You're not the worst daughter and her ego's bruised. Like goddamn, she JUST showed you she had a pretty good fucking birthday. Plenty of people loved on her.
Yensia
probably what doesn't help is that she's upset that I didn't come to PA for christmas
Yensia
And I'm like
Yensia
I would be perfectly happy to spend every christmas by myself
Yensia
it's so peaceful
Yensia
I can eat what I want
Ruevian
You made a mistake, you're going through a lot of shit right now, she's a grown ass woman who needs to accept she's not your number one priority at all timeas
Ruevian
*times
Yensia
Eh I mean I'm okay right now????????
Yensia
My life has been good recently.
Yensia
But I was going to call, you know AFTER WORK.
Yensia
Which I had both yesterday and today
Yensia
so
Yensia
(she sent this while I was at work so yeah)
Yensia
Though to be fair at this moment, of her three daughters, I'm probably tied for last with Elizabeth
Yensia
Who doesn't like being called Liz
Yensia
(Elizabeth is by default last, which is a discussion we don't need to get into)
Yensia
occasionally I forget how fucked my family is
Yensia
Because you know, it was never physical
kawaiigami
Ruevian
Yeah.
Ruevian
Yensia
/hug
Yensia
Sometimes I get annoyed that I love her
L'fuckingChaim
again
again
✧ Navigator ✧
