LiberBEARian
stop. crying. in. front. of. your. boss. God damn, self!
LiberBEARian
Fuck. This is twice in two weeks and I hate it. B[
LiberBEARian
All she has to do is say "are you okay" and all of a sudden no
LiberBEARian
And now she thinks I'm a basketcase and gently suggested moving to another department or another job and I feel like a complete asshole.
LiberBEARian
I hate life right now.
LiberBEARian
and I basically just want to crawl in a hole and die. .-.
Themme Fatale
DDD: You are not an asshole, and maybe your boss needs to provide a workplace that isn't driving employees into the ground >:CCC
Themme Fatale
You've done such good work here, if her response to you having a hard few weeks is "welp. maybe you should go." then she is NOT A VERY GOOD BOSS >:C
Themme Fatale
C'mere Allison let me hug your face.
LiberBEARian
.-. she wants to help so bad and if she were a meaner boss it would be a fuckton easier??? but she legitimately cares so I let my guard down and then waterworks
LiberBEARian
also I made her cry a bunch because she told me she's pregnant and hormonal so awesome
LiberBEARian
rawr I hate everything
Themme Fatale
Wait, her telling you she's pregnant and hormonal is not you making her cry
Becky
No, it's not
Themme Fatale
Also oh my god, if she's allowed to cry so are you!!!
Becky
and talking to your boss about this stuff is supposed to happen
Themme Fatale
I'm so mad at your boss!!!!
Becky
you did nothing wrong!
LiberBEARian
.-. my crying made her cry. again. erff
.｡❅⋆ʟʏʟɪᴛʜ⋆❅｡.
you can have a great boss and still a too stressful job, you are nowhere near and ashole :<
Themme Fatale
THAT IS STILL ON HER.
Themme Fatale
Sorry I'm being a hater, she might be lovely.
LiberBEARian
No, she didn't say I made her cry, that's me saying it here
LiberBEARian
.-. she wants to help so much and I have. no answers for her. And I feel like an asshole because it's like every time we see each other I have something petty to be upset over
LiberBEARian
this going to be our thing? Cripes. Every two weeks it's happening. B[
LiberBEARian
I'd like to erase the last two months from existence
Themme Fatale
IT WORTH LIKE, emailing her at some point? when you're in a better place, to say that you appreciate how much she's tried to help, and that you know you've seemed fraught, but it's just a rough time.
Themme Fatale
Because you are super allowed to be having a rough time.
LiberBEARian
I don't even know why it's a rough time. .-.
LiberBEARian
But yeah I can try
Themme Fatale
She doesn't need a full explanation. /snug.
spooky queer
maybe you should consider it? moving departments, i mean
spooky queer
if it's this stressful
LiberBEARian
Yeah. Problem is the places I'd be qualified for, I don't want, and the places I want, I wouldn't be qualified for.
LiberBEARian
also I feel like a fuck-up so moving departments would feel like failure.
spooky queer
they might be willing to train you
LiberBEARian
She was, but I need to stick it out in this department and prove I can handle it
LiberBEARian
I don't know why, it's just important to me to get a handle on it before I move
spooky queer
it's not failure, it happens all the time! sometimes you're just a better fit somewhere else
LiberBEARian
I don't want to give up and I love my department. .-.
LiberBEARian
I just hate the feeling of isolation
LiberBEARian
which happened when I moved desks, like an asshole
LiberBEARian
I don't know. Everything feels like a wreck and I'm spiraling.
Themme Fatale
No I completely get it though.
Themme Fatale
YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY NOT AN ASSHOLE FOR MOVING DESKS BTW
Themme Fatale
you were in a crazy work situation there as well.
Themme Fatale
But, I get wanting to feel in control before you make such a big life change.
LiberBEARian
Yeah I admitted to being able to get a lot more work done where I am. :/ but at the cost of utter loneliness. I asked if it would be okay to reinstate the informal stand-up meetings we used to have way back
LiberBEARian
when I was first here because right now I come in, go to my desk as the first one there, and literally do not have any communication with humans for the whole day
LiberBEARian
And every complaint/process improvement now goes through email.
LiberBEARian
I won't see team members for like. days or weeks, depending on where they sit
Themme Fatale
Oh no that is absolutely horrible :CCC
Themme Fatale
That would really really harm me. Wasn't there someone else sitting near you when you moved?
Themme Fatale
Did I imagine thaat?
LiberBEARian
Lauren, yeah, and I sometimes talk to her and it's nice. .-.
Themme Fatale
I feel like sometimes is not often enough though :c
LiberBEARian
Yeah. Boss suggested I go eat lunch with people instead of staying at my desk but I am usually. knocking out my mod stuff during lunch. So it's. argh.
Themme Fatale
Oh man
Themme Fatale
I don't wanna suggest SHIRKING YOUR NOBLE DUTIES.
Themme Fatale
but y'know.
Themme Fatale
maybe a little shirk wouldn't hurt.
Themme Fatale
:c
LiberBEARian
Yeah. .-. I'll give it a try next week
Themme Fatale
Have a nice little shirk and eat lunch with others :c
LiberBEARian
Thanks Conway. I don't know why I'm such a mess
LiberBEARian
Thought therapy would help with this. :/
Themme Fatale
Give it time. Also, all human beings, even ones who don't need therapy, go through rough patches where they feel bad about things :c
Themme Fatale
and sometimes can't stop themselves from crying.
Themme Fatale
:c
Themme Fatale
I been there, friend.
LiberBEARian
<33 ugh.
no mortal blade
augh Allison :Ccc 
no mortal blade
go eat lunch with people, the internet will not implode and I hope you'll be happier
no mortal blade
I had a hard time feeling isolated at my last job, it really sucks
LiberBEARian
urf. Glad I'm not alone in feeling that
no mortal blade
it definitely hits in different ways, you're not alone at all
no mortal blade
the cubicles at my last place had super high walls, so even though there were people around, I never saw anyone, never heard anyone
LiberBEARian
That's kind of how it is here. I'm tucked away in a corner and towards the wall so I literally see nobody. We both have to be standing up to be able to see each other around cube walls
ryannN?!
you're a mess because you're lonely
ryannN?!
can you move back to where you were?
ryannN?!
not having human interaction is a problem, but it's one that can be solved
no mortal blade
yeah, I went through whole days without seeing anyone once I sat down. I can only imagine how much harder it is being the firs tone there 
LiberBEARian
Yes and no. No, in the sense that my desk is now taken by the guy who was sitting there before me. Yes, in that he expressed interest in moving
CricketMomJenn
Oh yeah not seeing people sucks
ryannN?!
and it's completely normal to have emotional reactions to that thing
ryannN?!
allison, you gotta stop always blaming yourself for stuff
ryannN?!
you are not A Weak Person
CricketMomJenn
You definitely aren't. And it sounds like you're in a crap situation.
no mortal blade
you are in fact an amazing person
LiberBEARian
You guys are going to make me cry all over again
LiberBEARian
I think on Monday I'll write an email to my boss going like "jesus fuck thanks for listening to me cry, I'll get better I promise, going through a rough patch but I'mma deal with it."
LiberBEARian
See if I can't take down part of the wall separating me and the coworker who likes me best (who's been wanting to do that for ages) and go sit with people at lunch. .-. see if that helps.
spooky queer
yeah being isolated at my new job is why i hate it
spooky queer
it doesn't work for everybody
Themme Fatale
Do all of those things /rubs on u like a cat
CricketMomJenn
TAKE DOWN THE WALL
medieval grunge
ilu 
medieval grunge
I hope you feel better!! or do what needs to be done to make this work!!
Jay
hope your can take down the wall and that that and eating lunch with people helps
argent
Seconding all this, naturally, plus sometimes therapy like
argent
Makes things more intense before it makes them better
argent
A lot of stuff is getting stirred around
argent
But don't give up on that either <3