I have had depression my entire life. I've been proud of the fact I've never wanted to kill myself, even if I joked about it.
I now actually want to die.

I won't kill myself. I know things can be better and likely will become better.

But this is the first time I've ever had actual thoughts that made dying sound appealing.

And that terrifies me.

I feel that.

It's been a long time since I was legit suicidal.

I've never been suicidal. I've never had intrusive thoughts of this scope and magnitude.

anon i don't know who you are on my tl but please don't give into those thoughts

the idea right now is a comforting one because the future is frankly terrifying right now but it's not over

idk if this helps entirely but it always helped me in high school when my passive suicidal thoughts were always the worst and that's to cling to even "dumb" things to look forward to

food you want to eat, shows you want to watch

that turns into friends you want to see, things you want to do, then goals you want to achieve

i can't say for sure what's going to happen, or if it will be better or worse than everyone's imagining, but we're in this together. you've got people supporting you, don't forget that