Maxie ~
[RL] Ugh, I feel so stuck lately. And restless.
Maxie ~
I sort of came to the realization recently that I don't actually like my job! lmfao.
Maxie ~
But it's a weird thing because I really like the people here and the company itself.
Maxie ~
I mean, I really like the people.
Maxie ~
I just hate what I'm actually doing.
Maxie ~
Scheduling.
Maxie ~
It's endlessly frustrating and just stresses me out and I don't want to do it!
Maxie ~
I also don't feel like I'm very good at it, and I hate that.
Maxie ~
Because I'm not used to being not good at my job.
Maxie ~
But I know they like me here, and they've had a hard time finding a good fit for this office and this position.
Maxie ~
And the whole thing where a family friend got me the job in the first place.
Maxie ~
So there's a sort of sense of obligation to stick it out? Which I think is what I've been doing for the past several months.
Maxie ~
Kind of like "well I'll get better at it and it'll get better and EVERYTHING WILL GET BETTER AND BE FINE."
Maxie ~
But nah.
Maxie ~
I would walk out now if I could afford it.
Maxie ~
Which is a really weird feeling because I LIKE BEING HERE.
Maxie ~
I don't know if that makes any sense.
Maxie ~
But this is a really small office so it's not like I can just be moved elsewhere.
Maxie ~
I was brought on for specifically this position.
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
Ugh that's a tough situation to be in though :<
Maxie ~
But I'm really sick of it. I'm sick of the caregivers I have to deal with because they're super unreliable and flake out all the time.
Maxie ~
I'm tired of dealing with last minute changes and new clients at the drop of a hat.
Maxie ~
I'm just not cut out for it.
Maxie ~
But I also don't know what I want to do.
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
Maybe you should start looking for something new?
Maxie ~
And I mean, I've talked to the people here about it.
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
Just casuallly see what's out there?
Maxie ~
But I don't think anything's going to change really.
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
/stops interrupting venting XD
Maxie ~
And I sort of want to do something crazy anyway.
Maxie ~
I'm halfway tempted to just move across the country for no reason.
Maxie ~
I've been brainstorming with my mom and sister about something I could do.
Maxie ~
Or we could do.
Maxie ~
I DON'T KNOW.
Maxie ~
Like i said, I just want to do something completely different. And crazy.
Maxie ~
And fun?
Maxie ~
I just don't want to be here. Like, my cousin was all "well maybe stick it out for a couple years and then--" and I was like PFFFFT a couple months, maybe.
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
You crazy kid
Maxie ~
Even at Lifetouch I didn't hate what I was doing.
Maxie ~
There's also a thing where like even though I really do like everyone here, the fact that it's such a small office -- so like, the owner is Jenn, and her brother, Bill, is in charge of things.
Maxie ~
And then there's Gina, the other scheduler / HR person / my immediate...boss? I guess? She's not really my boss, but.
Maxie ~
Anyway, the three of them are SUPER BEST FRIENDS.
Maxie ~
And we do things as an office a lot, outings and such, they really do try to make it fun and I appreciate that.
Maxie ~
But there's still just that barrier and feeling a bit like an outsider because those three hang out constantly.
Maxie ~
And talk constantly.
Maxie ~
And are always bringing their RL issues to the office and I don't really work like that.
Maxie ~
Never have.
Maxie ~
Anyway, this has been building for awhile, probably since July when I was dying to go on vacation and then dreading coming back and I was like: "...so maybe this isn't working out as well as I thought" ahaha.
Maxie ~
And like I said, I've talked to my family, the people here, it's not like I've bottled it up.
Maxie ~
So I guess I just decided to finally explode all over plurk with it lol.
Maxie ~
I also am tired of being on call.
Maxie ~
Like we switch off every week and it's USUALLY not terrible, but it's just one of those things where I know I don't want to be dealing with that for the next however many years!
Maxie ~
I like being able to take off for a weekend whenever I fucking feel like it lol.
Maxie ~
So I can go to Toronto. And NYC. And Chicago.
Maxie ~
So yeah. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but something.
Maxie ~
Job search, try something random and weird, up and quit.
Maxie ~
Dunno.
Gemini
I don't blame you. when you know something's not a fit, it's just torture. there is no waiting out something that won't change.
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
good luck
Maxie ~
My parents are talking about moving a lot sooner than expected and they want to give some of the money from selling the house to us.
Maxie ~
And my dad is really gung ho on me using it as down payment on a townhouse.
Maxie ~
And I'm like.
Maxie ~
...How about I just use that and take off for a year and do something with it, ahaha.
Maxie ~
That or wherever they move, go with them.
Maxie ~
And START FRESH.
Maxie ~
I dunno.
Maxie ~
Gonna keep saying I dunnooooo.
Maxie ~
Anyway not ignoring comments, guys! Just wanted to get it all out while I have a moment at lunch.
Maxie ~
I will scroll back up. XD
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
XDD
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
where are they moving to?
Maxie ~
They're not sure!
Maxie ~
They were originally thinking North Carolina or Pennsylvania, but this past week they've been talking about staying in Maryland.
Maxie ~
Because that's where we are.
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
Staunton is nice this time of year |D
Maxie ~
But there's really not much holding me here if the job isn't going to work out.
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
/nodnod
Maxie ~
Like literally I would stay because of the Orioles. 8|
Maxie ~
Which is not a good enough reason, haha.
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
/noods
Maxie ~
And I like being close-ish to NYC.
Gemini
a shame the midwest job market isn't any better than it is anywhere else
Maxie ~
Another reason they would stay in the area is because of the lake house.
Maxie ~
Oh, and another reason I'm not really even entertaining the thought of a townhouse is because it feels too permanent.
Maxie ~
When I don't know wtf I'm doing.
Maxie ~
Midwest is somewhere I've never lived before so it would definitely be different!
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
You'd like Chicago I think!
𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔴 𝔭𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔠𝑦~
Great theatre there
Gemini
Chicago is expensive though
Gemini
one of my friends from here just moved down there and the cost of living shot through the roof
Maxie ~
Chicago is an awesome city, I've been before! I mentioned it because I'm going in October for another 
concert lol.
concert lol.
Maxie ~
But yeah I don't know about living there.
Maxie ~
Probably city living is too expensive for me.
Maxie ~
I meant to say this somewhere up there, but scheduling is basically like building a house of cards and having it JUST perfect and then someone fucking breathes a little too hard and the entire thing collapses.
Maxie ~
And you have to start all over.
Maxie ~
And some people are good at that, they see it as a challenge, but I am not one of those people.
Maxie ~
I like things to be done. I like knowing what I've accomplished at the end of the day. I'm something of a perfectionist.
Maxie ~
And leaving work at the end of the day with the schedule looking like a total disaster because we got a new client and a caregiver called out and another caregiver decided not to show up...
Maxie ~
And three more caregivers had deaths in the family and two clients added additional shifts drives me INSANE.
Maxie ~
I hate when it looks like I haven't done anything all day when I've been working my butt off lol.
aliquot
We should chat soon.
Maxie ~
H'okay! I am always up for chatting.
Maxie ~
I'm just sitting here bitching and moaning to myself because I'm on call this week and a caregiver for a 9am-5pm shift tomorrow up in bumfuck middle of nowhere MD had to call out because her car broke down.
Maxie ~
Or some nonsense.
Maxie ~
And no one will drive up there because 15 miles is TOO FAR.
Maxie ~
Tiger5913: Yep! lol guess we do! It's somewhat new for me.
Maxie ~
Or, well. Actually it's been almost a year now.
Maxie ~
I started here last November.
Maxie ~
It is waaay more frustrating than I'd anticipated. But I'm also dealing with a lot of people who demand work but are also too lazy to work.
Maxie ~
Like last week I get someone calling me begging for weekend hours, so I give her some, and then she called out at the last minute.
Maxie ~
We have another caregiver who keeps asking for overnight work but every time I try to give her some shifts she "doesn't have money for gas because she hasn't been working" and it's like
Maxie ~
FUCKING FIND A WAY TO GET THERE.
Maxie ~
AND THEN YOU WILL HAVE MONEY.
Maxie ~
They're not unionized, no.
Maxie ~
And honestly they all make like $9 an hour which I would NEVER accept for the type of work they do.
Maxie ~
Like I got paid more than that when I was babysitting I feel like.
Maxie ~
Right?!
Maxie ~
But literally three times now that has been her answer.
Maxie ~
But I mean paying between $9 and $10 an hour, I don't expect to get the best crop of employees.
Maxie ~
And we do have a lot of really GOOD caregivers.
Maxie ~
Who actually care about what they're doing and will go above and beyond, visit their clients when they're in the hospital and they're not getting paid for it, stuff like that.
Maxie ~
But it's always the lame people who make things difficult. XD
Maxie ~
Kudos to YOU for doing it for two years! Over two years. I won't last that long.
Maxie ~
I don't have patience for people who don't do what they're supposed to, ahaha.
Maxie ~
Yeah, we're private home care. CNAs, GNAs, and non-licensed companion care. And our caregivers are actually employees so we pay their taxes and all that.
Maxie ~
There are other companies caregivers can work for that pay a lot more, but they're registries.
Maxie ~
It's super low. Like I said, for the type of work they do? I would never accept that.
Maxie ~
Especially personal care clients.
Maxie ~
I have no idea, ahaha. Part of the problem.
Maxie ~
Just sort of floating through life.
Maxie ~
But I'll figure something out.
Maxie ~
Nah, you're fine. I don't have a degree actually. I worked at a photography company for like ten years and then this job fell into my lap.
Maxie ~
I mean, I have ideas and thoughts.
Maxie ~
Of things I might do.
Maxie ~
That I've been talking about with my sister.
Maxie ~
It's just actually taking a serious step towards finding other work, or making other work for myself.
Maxie ~
I could do either! My lease on my apartment is up in March, so I'm toying with the idea of looking elsewhere. Anywhere. Just to try something different.
Maxie ~
Thaaank you! <3
Maxie ~
XDD