[bad horror games] asld;kghsf so sometimes i watch lets plays of random games i'm curious about but being a weenie wouldn't play AND THIS GUY'S COMMENTARY HAS ME CRACKING UP

it's just so dry, this sense of humor

the game in question is illbleed which oooh man

but anyway

the premise of the game is you're trying to get through a horror amusement park, basically, where all of the attractions have their own backstory

separate little b-movie horror worlds

in one trees apparently eat people? and it was this lumber mill where the lumberjacks started disappearing and then these wooden boxes got shipped to their families out of which these giant wooden puppets would

jump and run around and freak them out, moreso because they spewed blood when attacked

so one of the kids who was going through this got turned into a wooden puppet and in the game you find a box with his name on it

and the guy doing the lp was like 'so I guess they were planning on following the story's arc and shipping that to his family, which would be one hell of a viral marketing campain'

AND I JUST STARTED CRACKING UP

"and here as you can see we have the world's most uninviting elevator"

100 people die every day at amusement park and there is an entire area devoted to cremating the bodies

and yet somehow they haven't been shut down