For Clint let's assume it's a "second" wedding since he and Laura did the courthouse/justice of the peace thing the first time and didn't get the big fancy party or the honeymoon
.....okay, so, Sparda popped out on earth around Roman times, and Roman law dictated that a wedding needed 10 witnesses, all of whom needed to be dresses like the bride and groom to confuse evil spirits
I'LL HAVE MY OWN WEDDING. A WEDDING TO MYSELF. AND THERE WILL BE SO MANY PYROTECHNICS THE ENTIRE STATE OF NEW YORK WILL BE LIT ON FIRE. NONE OF YOU ARE INVITED.
Well fireworks are very patriotic. Where is this wedding? Maybe it could have the pyrotechnics you know out in a damp field. No fires to put out, and also PLANNED FOR.
Clint both desperately wants Laura and doesn't ever want to see Laura in AS. Because he misses her SO FUCKING MUCH but if she's there with him, who's with the kids?
tbf at that point bruce would sit clint down and do a physics-y explanation about pocket dimensions and relativity and etc i mean time is all wibbly wobbly
I head canon that he mentally times how long she stays lucid every visit and it dwindles. (I was a caregiver and it's painful even with healthy elderly past 90 a lot.)
(He legitimately would probably swear at anyone trying to talk him down bc this is Peggy and no, he is calling in every favor and not sleeping or stopping.)
"It's a working theory and it's a legitimate possibility so either take the consolation or keep flipping out AND IF YOU'RE GONNA FLIP OUT DO IT LIKE THE REST OF US AND INTERNALIZE IT INTO RAGE MONSTERS"
(On the flip side it means if bad idea is apped, in this variation he is weak, powerless, and a nobody. Minus river power but we all know bad idea want tangible power.)
.....sighing this is the one occasion when bruce will debate using his science for alcoholic use in chemistry-ing up a super booze for steve's super metabolism
Less problematic if the power is persuasion or hair color change. Not good if they had teleportation so it's just generally discouraged from time and memorial JUST IN CASE.
From Native American oral tradition every tribe that came to the river had a tale of caution so it wasn't until later it became sort of rediscovered as a bad idea but the fact the power is such a gamble is
enough that in modern day no one really makes the jump pregnant because. Yeah. Urban legend, PSAs, take your pick but it's common knowledge despite it being a less than 1% risk.
or the honeymoonand reining in any craziness other avengers might try to pull /stares at tony/in a world where tony didn't fuck it all upprobably cheats and uses his Falcon gear to steal the wedding gartersee they should just never talk about bruce's self esteem issuesthis solves all problemsnope sorry you're awesome when you're not listening to Tony's terrible ideasexcuse youwhatever clint u don't kno himand you're excused tony byeshut up Tony and good enough, Bruce, just keep ahold of that babyslingwhat makes you think i'm leaving just because i've been excused also get that sling the hell out of hereTony get out or they're having Steve evict youOKAY WHATEVER HAVE FUN AT YOUR WEDDING WITHOUT COOL SPECIALTY STARK PYROTECHNICSf u bruce!!!!!!NOBODY ASKED FOR THOSE THEY'RE UNNECESSARY AND ALSO A FIRE HAZARDHE WILL STAND BEHIND IT BEING A GOOD IDEANOBODY ELSE THINKS SONOBODYTHE ONLY OPINION THAT MATTERS IS TONY'S ANYWAY SO W/E DROPS THE MIC AND THIS LAME WEDDINGYOUR OPINION DOES NOT MATTER BECAUSE IT'S CLINT'S WEDDING YOU'RE SO BAD AT THIS TONYW/E W/E W/E W/E W/ETHIS IS WHY NOBODY TAKES YOU ANYWHERETHIS. THIS RIGHT HERE.I'LL HAVE MY OWN WEDDING. A WEDDING TO MYSELF. AND THERE WILL BE SO MANY PYROTECHNICS THE ENTIRE STATE OF NEW YORK WILL BE LIT ON FIRE. NONE OF YOU ARE INVITED.this is why pepper dumped uo my gOD versus me rnSteve tries so hard.Given CW the rest of the emo lyrics are apropos tho...Clint both desperately wants Laura and doesn't ever want to see Laura in AS. Because he misses her SO FUCKING MUCH but if she's there with him, who's with the kids?SHIELD grade babysittersnot good enough also he doesn't trust Fury to raise his kidswow so many typos tonight, sorry class these op prep meds are awful weirdSorry for the ramble XD No one usually asks about weird meta stuff :3I love weird meta stuff Duckie FEED ME ALL THE WEIRD META STUFFhe's such a ridiculous fatherlook he had a long, long issue with not wanting to be a dad because of his dad being such a shitbag but he got over itunless they don't see it comingAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU XD