L'Cygna Tovah
[Uminekoblogging] [HELLA SPOILERS]
L'Cygna Tovah
Blazing through episode 7 now
L'Cygna Tovah
I'm deeply enjoying the reveals we've had so far
sailor bii
I KNOW RIGHT
FʀᴏᴍTʜᴇFɪʀᴇ
sailor bii
in your own time, nai
L'Cygna Tovah
I'm going to need to reread this whole thing more slowly when I'm done, aren't I
sailor bii
yep
sailor bii
because the ep7 revelations change everything
L'Cygna Tovah
well isn't THIS a twist, wow!
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Battler you idiot what the fuck
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ahhhhh and now finally the riddle's solution!
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using information about something I didn't recognize and didn't think to look up would be the only way to solve this
sailor bii
yeah, the riddle requires knowing chinese and a lot of bullshit
L'Cygna Tovah
and solving it early requires a Japanese edition of an Atlas and also knowing what areca nuts are and where they are found
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intense bullshit
sailor bii
yes
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Kyrie and Rudolf...look, Kyrie's a terrible person, but I still admire her competence
sailor bii
yeah
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Starting chapter 8!
sailor bii
YAY. YOU CLIMBED (ALMOST) THE ENTIRE MOUNTAIN
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(almost)
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(just the most important mountain bits left)
sailor bii
(yes!)
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and this is SUPER CONFUSING again
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aww, little logic puzzles! these, I can do.
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(because they're for kids)
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(I'm not very good at puzzles, but I like them)
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omg I can't even get all of these I'm such a puzzle loser
sailor bii
they are trickier than you think!
L'Cygna Tovah
I can get some of them but some are hard
L'Cygna Tovah
the secret of Battler's birth, revealed! sort of. it wasn't that dramatic of a reveal.
sailor bii
yeah. i had to look up some answers
sailor bii
AND NOPE. IT WAS NOT
L'Cygna Tovah
goddammit not the damn game show puzzle
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I hate that one
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it's highly disputed
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I know the answer but that doesn't mean it makes sense as a math problem
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but I guess the trick is that it's not a math problem
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it's a people problem
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the party is over and I am cry
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I have family emotions
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even if this nice, loving family isn't real
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it still sort of reminds me of my family, so I have emotions
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oh no party's over
sailor bii
YEP
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...and SUDDENLY INTERACTIVE
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shit I'm rubbish at this
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fortunately this is a LP not me actually playing! so hah.
sailor bii
YEP
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it took me more than halfway through, I'm sorry to say...
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ok, returning to watch mode
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end of ep 8 part 1
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ange bby
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god I am so close I can taste it
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gonna keep going keep going keep going
sailor bii
yessss
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booya witch of resurrection!
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aaaaand DONE!
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whew that was long
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I've already forgotten half of the first bit
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and I skimmed half of the last bit
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so I guess Ive only 1/4 read it, huh?
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I still don't really understand the puzzles' solutions
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but the ending was pretty satisfying
sailor bii
GOOD
sailor bii
i'm glad you enjoyed your seacat experience
L'Cygna Tovah
I feel like I missed the bit where anything from the early segment was explained
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it's very...confusing...
sailor bii
we should answer your questions
sailor bii
i mean, i should call Nerdorama over and then you can ask questions
sailor bii
and we'll try to explain
FʀᴏᴍTʜᴇFɪʀᴇ
and I'll scoot out then until I finish BUT I'LL BE BACK
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so what the fuck happened "actually"? what are the solutions to the mysteries? why is this so damn hard? (answer: it's 98% confusing extra details)
sailor bii
okay. so back in 1986 there was a big explosion on rokkenjima island
sailor bii
the only survivor as far as anyone knows was eva
sailor bii
and she wasn't telling people what happened
sailor bii
then a couple years after a pair of message bottles containing the stores from ep1 and ep2 washed up on shore and got published
sailor bii
they were purported to be written by maria, which is confusing because maria is the one ushiromiya they did have a death confirmation for because they found her jawbone
sailor bii
ep 3-6 were versions of the story that got publish by the hachijous
sailor bii
(they were collabs between the two of them)
sailor bii
ep 7 is a way of explaining without explaining what was up with beatrice and who really caused the rokkenjima incident
sailor bii
ep 8 is ange figuring out what really happened and also figuring out what she's going to do now that she knows
sailor bii
are you following me so far?
L'Cygna Tovah
yes
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ep 7 is probably where I got lost, then. because I still don't know what the fuck.
sailor bii
okay. so. you should probably put a warning up about spoilers in the top-plurk
sailor bii
because what i am going to tell you is HELLA SPOILERS
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warning applied
sailor bii
THANK
sailor bii
okay. did you understand the wwii story?
L'Cygna Tovah
yes, that was clear. I think. unless there was a secret story lurking in there that I missed.
sailor bii
OKAY GOOD
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I'm dumb but not too dumb to follow a linear narrative
sailor bii
you're not dumb. umineko is tricky that's all
sailor bii
and you get the part with bice's daughter
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yes
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ew
sailor bii
okay. do you remember the man from 19 years ago? from like ep 5?
L'Cygna Tovah
yes
sailor bii
OKAY so in the alternate reality that the ep7 framing device takes place in
sailor bii
that's lion
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right
sailor bii
but in our normal reality that's beatrice
sailor bii
or rather, the person who becomes beatrice
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right. I get that.
sailor bii
or yasu
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right
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yasuliontrice
sailor bii
... fandom did a visual aid for this. let me fetch it
sailor bii
also skannontrice
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okay THAT is where I get lost
sailor bii
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/umineko/images/b/b1/Ep7_ex10.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110521213438
sailor bii
YES WELL
sailor bii
that is the most confusing part
sailor bii
i was lost the first time too
L'Cygna Tovah
I can't make out that image, either. I mean physically can't.
sailor bii
oh hm
sailor bii
so. okay. the thing about yasu's narrative is that she makes up a lot of imaginary friends
L'Cygna Tovah
yeah
sailor bii
so the first shannon from when she was a wee yasu is imaginary shannon
L'Cygna Tovah
ohhhhhhh
sailor bii
because nobody will use yasu's servant name because she is the baby
sailor bii
so she makes up an imaginary friend with her servant name
L'Cygna Tovah
OH
sailor bii
YEAH
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that is actually much LESS confusing
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which is sad
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because "made up a fake me with my name" shouldn't de-mystify anything
sailor bii
so when shannon gets a brother that's yasu AKA SAYO YASUDA making up another friend
sailor bii
so shannon and kanon are yasu's imaginary friends
sailor bii
the manga did a chapter explaining this all years later
L'Cygna Tovah
I got that she was making up "a brother for shannon"
sailor bii
yeah.
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but I didn't realize that "shannon" was imaginary too
sailor bii
well, the shannon that she talks to as a little kid is imaginary
L'Cygna Tovah
that's what I mean
sailor bii
yeah
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okay, so.
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sayo-shannon makes up first "shannon" and then "kanon"
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but is there a real kanon?
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or what?
sailor bii
yes and no
L'Cygna Tovah
that sounds like a "what" to me
sailor bii
so okay in 1986 both shannon and kanon seem physically there, right?
L'Cygna Tovah
yes
sailor bii
but you never see them interact with the family in the same place
L'Cygna Tovah
ohhhhh so they're one "person"?
sailor bii
YUP
L'Cygna Tovah
well that's awkward
sailor bii
shannon and kanon are both sayo/yasu
sailor bii
kanon's "name" of yoshiya is sort of a reversal of sayo and that's why he doesn't get it until ep 6
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only VERY sort of
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but I see
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so sayo/yasu is "playing" two roles the whole time
sailor bii
yep!
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which is why there are only 17
sailor bii
three if you count beatrice
sailor bii
YEP
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even with the detective
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yes
sailor bii
when you see them talking together she's really having a conversation with herself
sailor bii
same thing when they talk to beatrice
sailor bii
and when you see them both together with genji or kumasawa it's because they know about the fractured identities
sailor bii
they helped her become kanon
L'Cygna Tovah
so to genji and kumasawa, both of them are "there"
sailor bii
yep!
sailor bii
okay. so. you know how she fell off a cliff when she was a baby?
L'Cygna Tovah
yes
sailor bii
she got hurt badly and, um, lost her dick and had to have reconstructive surgery
L'Cygna Tovah
...really.
sailor bii
yes.
L'Cygna Tovah
really? augh.
sailor bii
lion is biologically male. so is sayo
sailor bii
she got raised as a girl because of the surgery
L'Cygna Tovah
nod
L'Cygna Tovah
I can't believe nowhere in the decalogue or the twenty is "multiple personalities are not allowed" because that is among the more bs mystery behaviors
L'Cygna Tovah
sry2say
sailor bii
it's not so much multiple personalities as... being deeply fucked up and playing really hard with identity
sailor bii
when she became a teenager and she didn't get breasts or a period (those boobs of shannon's and beatrice's are HELLA FAKE) she kind of freaked out a bit
L'Cygna Tovah
okay we will let it slide THIS time
sailor bii
they did not tell her it was because she'd been reassigned as a baby
L'Cygna Tovah
because no one tells anyone anything in umineko
sailor bii
nope
sailor bii
but when she was all 'maybe i'd rather be a boy' they helped her establish a male identity as kanon
sailor bii
genji and kumasawa, i mean
L'Cygna Tovah
gotcha
sailor bii
so she bounced between being shannon and kanon, trying to figure out whether she wanted to live as one or the other
L'Cygna Tovah
you know, I believe you're not making this up, but also, I have no idea where in the game this information resides
sailor bii
meanwhile she is miserably missing battler who was her first love and who disappeared
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poof
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thanks, battler
sailor bii
IT IS SO VERY MUCH READ BETWEEN THE LINES
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thattler
sailor bii
yeah. that's why beatrice is mad at him. because it was the worst time in her life and he was nowhere
L'Cygna Tovah
what a dingus
sailor bii
she also started pretending to be her THIRD imaginary friend beatrice because she needed an outlet
L'Cygna Tovah
SO MANY IMAGINARY FRIEND
sailor bii
and also to be maria's witch friend
sailor bii
yep
sailor bii
anyway. so by three years ago she is shannon and kanon part time in order to figure out what she wants to be and also she becomes beatrice whenever rosa comes over
sailor bii
so she can be maria's exciting witch friend!
sailor bii
that's when kinzo does the epitaph
sailor bii
and right about then, by the way, george is flirting with her and she's getting a crush on him
L'Cygna Tovah
right
sailor bii
jessica is crushing on kanon and sayo's got some feelings about her she's confused about
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feelings are hard
sailor bii
and she still has battler as her first love
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man I'm so glad I don't have feelings
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it seems difficult
sailor bii
yes
sailor bii
so sayo/yasu solves the epitaph
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right
sailor bii
genji is all okay, put this dress on
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because why NOT repeat the greatest mistakes of the past
sailor bii
and sayo/yasu gets taken to kinzo in the beatrice dress. she finds out about her entire history. that she was born a boy. that she's an incest baby. and then kinzo is all I AM SO SORRY FOREVER
sailor bii
YOU ARE MY HEIR NOW YOU GET EVERYTHING
sailor bii
and then he dies
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"that and 100 yen will buy me - wait, HOW much? hmm."
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as he do
sailor bii
and sayo yasuda has a complete and utter breakdown
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gosh I fucking wonder why
sailor bii
YEAH
sailor bii
i mean bad enough that she's an incest baby who was given an infant sex change and raised as a servant in her own home
L'Cygna Tovah
everything aside, all ur crushes are your cousins and also niblings
sailor bii
YES EXACTLY
sailor bii
so the three years since then are her dealing with all this shit privately and mostly alone because she can't even really talk about how pissed off she is to her foster parents
sailor bii
because they were devoted to kinzo
sailor bii
she throws herself into being shannon and kanon and beatrice
sailor bii
and eventually she can't take it anymore and decides it would be better if she died
sailor bii
maybe if they all died
L'Cygna Tovah
well. I can see how she would reach that conclusion.
sailor bii
because battler's never coming back. george may like her now but he won't when he realizes she's intersex (furniture she calls it)
sailor bii
(she's dehumanized in her own head)
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poor child 
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;_;
sailor bii
ditto jessica with the added bonus of her being betrayed shannon lied to ehr
sailor bii
so she's all, OKAY I AM PROBABLY GOING TO KILL MYSELF AND MAYBE EVERYONE
sailor bii
I WILL GIVE EVERYONE THE CHANCE TO SOLVE THE EPITAPH
sailor bii
IF THEY DO I WILL GIVE THEM MY MONEY AND THROW MYSELF INTO THE SEA
sailor bii
IF THEY DON'T I WILL BLOW EVERYONE UP
sailor bii
but........ THE EPITAPH DOES GET SOLVED
sailor bii
by all the parents working together
L'Cygna Tovah
okay, so that's what happened really
sailor bii
yes. that is what happened really
sailor bii
a modified version of the scenario in ep7
sailor bii
the previous eps are either sayo yasuda writing stories about what could happen and putting them in bottles (1-2)
sailor bii
or tohya and ikuko hachijou collaborating on trying to figure out what happened and turning it into fiction (2-6)
sailor bii
so it gets solved by the parents working together
sailor bii
but when they get to the money kyrie and rudolph get greedy
sailor bii
there is a gun fight