hey I found a nice explanation for what it's like to be sick with whatever it is I have

The Spoon Theory written by and spoken by Christine ...

spoon theory

this one is about lupus but it's completely relevant to my life as well

"most people start the day with an unlimited amount of possibilities and energy to do whatever they desire"

YES.

I have to plan my energy out otherwise I will just crash.

and it's really not even something I can control.

i tried showing this to my mother and she ended up making me cry and i can't even remember why. any time i explain anything about myself she makes me feel bad

i think she was saying i need to do more things each day to "build up my stamina" but it doesn't work like that and she keeps saying she understands but she doesn't

if i'm running on zero spoons, pushing harder doesn't magically create another spoon

i know my limits and she doesn't

and i think she thinks it's her responsibility to help me make more spoons but actually i want to do it by myself

the more she tries to "help" the more stressed out i get and the more i don't want to do anything